The following article was written by a Change Maker for the unpublished We Can! magazine, now re-published for the We Can! blog.
Everyone laughs at jokes about PMS, Sarong Party Girls, and gu niangs. Birthday gifts to boys – trucks, trains and soldiers – come in blue, while girls are given dolls and kitchen sets wrapped in pink. A guy raking up sexual conquests under his belt is an enviable stud, yet a girl who does the same is a cheap slut.
What does any of this have to do with violence against women?
For most part, we let these stereotypes slide as jokes or convenient ways of classifying people. Yet those who accept gender stereotypes are more likely to be the perpetrators – as well as victims – of sexual violence. Why? At the heart of these stereotypes lie messages of male superiority and entitlement, and conversely those of female inferiority and subservience.
Let’s break down some examples. Trivialising a woman’s emotions, especially anger or sadness, as “just PMS” enforces the idea that women are naturally worse at decision-making than men, and conversely, that men are always level-headed and unsentimental. Calling a man who’s physically weaker a “gu niang” or “girl” reflects how we view women as weak and incompetent, such that for a man to be seen as one is to have failed. Bad-mouthing women who enjoy male attention or aren’t ashamed of their sexuality by referring to them as “SPGs” and “sluts” means agreeing that women who have sexual relations on their own terms are airheaded or debauched. Men, on the other hand, are largely able to dictate when, where and with whom sex happens without their virtue or intelligence being called into question.
Gender stereotypes inform our (mis)conceptions of masculinity and femininity. Based on these beliefs, we come to define manhood as being dominant, macho, and sexually aggressive. We define womanhood as being cautious, modest, and gentle; women who fall short of this are “bad girls” who deserve trouble.
These broad and often unquestioned ideas of what makes a “man” or a “woman” – some of which we may not even be aware we hold – in turn contribute to sexual violence. A boy forces himself on a girl because he has grown up learning that “real men” are forceful and always get what they want, while women don’t really know what they want or are taught not to express it. A girl who likes to drink and dance is immediately read as promiscuous, and her behaviour is taken as consent to sexual intercourse.
It is not true that men are aggressors and women victims by default: men, too, are vulnerable to abuse. Male victims face difficulties speaking out, being believed, and finding help in large part because of the expectation that men are to be stoic and strong. Women make up the bulk of victims because as a group, they are vulnerable in the same way that certain other sections of society – such as the elderly, children, ethnic minorities, and migrants – are also more susceptible to violence and exploitation. These groups are not given as loud a voice as other, more powerful groups are. Discrimination and violence, whether individual or systemic, often come from the same roots: the strong trying to control the weak.
We are socialised into gender stereotypes, not born into them. They do not have to shape the way we treat people or ourselves. By recognising that gender stereotypes box people – including ourselves – in harmful ways, we make the first steps towards equal, violence-free relationships with the people around us.