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Language and how it is used against women

Written by Sriraksha Raghavan

J.K. Rowling once said that language is our most inexhaustible source of magic. There is a profundity to this statement that escapes people who engage in cavalier reading. We use words to convey what we mean, but in today’s world, language has been systematically used to convey what we wish to imply but not explicitly say. I say “systematic” because establishments and corporations use the technique of tweaking words to imply meanings that suit their agenda.

hillary

For example, consider the upcoming presidential campaign in America. A woman, Hillary Clinton, is one of the prime contenders for the job. When she is torn down, it is for reasons such as “she is manly”, “she is bossy”, “she is domineering” etc. I’d like to ask you to consider the three words “manly”, “bossy” and “domineering”. Apart from the obvious negativity in those words, they have no correlation with her work! She is not being criticised for being bad at her job. She is being criticised for being a woman trying to do a “man’s” job.words

This does not just pertain to high profile jobs and the top strata of society. Women from all areas of society are subjected to the consequences of sexist vocabulary. This goes on to create the economic inequality we see in the world today. Men are paid more because people are of the opinion that men work better—an opinion they derive from what they read and know. This is by no means the sole reason for the economic divide, but it is a contributing factor.

This poses a bigger problem to women in the lower strata of society because being paid less than men in a job like manual labour—which already has a salary that might be too low to cover basic expenses—means that the women have nearly nothing. In third world and developing countries, where a large number of men below the poverty line suffer from alcoholism, the highest earning member of the family—his wife—is shelling out money to satiate his addiction and care for the family on her salary alone, despite both of them working. This has led to women taking on multiple jobs, which might be beyond their physical and mental capacity.

One might argue that the poor barely have exposure to corporations and urban establishments that use this method of phrasing their words in a way that misrepresents women. But much like the river branching into tributaries and distributaries, and ultimately into streams that flow everywhere, the influence of words from the most powerful people in society percolates until it reaches the most powerless parts, where the intersectional clout of sexism creates many negative consequences in people’s lives.

About the author: Sriraksha is a student with a passion for learning and believes that if you learn anything in depth, a passion for it will follow. She thinks that the best way to enrich one’s life is to enrich that of others and hopes to do that for a living one day.

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Not Anyone’s Girl

Written by Corrine Lin, Change Maker

 Unpublished+She+Said+Article.“I won’t want my girl to work in Marketing as it involves a lot of client entertainment. It’s best for you to stay in your current department now.”This was perhaps one of the most offensive statement I’ve come across in my career life when I requested for a transfer. At that time, I was working in a ‘male dominated’ industry where Marketing and Sales meant the same scope of work; to meet clients, get sales orders, have dinner, keep them entertained with drinks and party all night. It felt like a norm back then, that there was no choice but to accept being the lesser valued gender, being in a man’s industry.

Even when I was doing my diploma, we had only about four girls in a class of 40 guys in our course. When I started my first job, I was the only female employee working on-site for my company. Looking back, it was either inspiring or intimidating, especially to those who avoided the very industry I was entering. Due to this very reason, I have always felt taken care of by my colleagues and especially my bosses. They feared for my safety, especially in a site filled with hundreds of males. When I entered meeting rooms, the usual harsh tones and vulgarities became mellowed. Men’s conversations turn into awkward whispers when I came in to office. Although I was treated with respect and politeness, I always felt scrutinised, weak and never really belonged no matter how much I tried to fit in. It was a lot harder for me to break past this comfort barrier and challenge myself in my career progression.

While the statement above seemed like a protective move from my then boss, I was very much offended by it. Despite many justifications and enthusiasm in taking up the role, I was still denied the transfer. I was not evaluated based on my capability but by who I was. Furthermore, I am not anyone’s girl. To date, neither have my father nor my husband has introduced me as their girl. I am a daughter, I am a wife, but never anyone’s girl because I belong to me. Would any professionals refer their male subordinates as their boy? Even when I had a female boss, she has never demean her male subordinates with such labels. I quit the job not long later, after a three hour talk with my manager trying to persuade me to stay.

In any field of study or work, and especially life, it pays a lot more to prove our worth by accomplishing results with our commitment, efforts and intellect. We are all individuals with capabilities, personalities and characters or our own. All we need, is mutual respect.


Today, the male domination labels are slowly diminishing. Women like us have access to supportive and empowered environment; we are climbing up corporate boards, we have female Presidents and we are making positive dents in the world. For those of us who are still behind shadows, it’s time to break past this limiting barrier we think others are setting for us. The world is our oyster now.

 

About the Author

Profilepic3Corrine writes for L3 Hub (www.l3hub.org), a ​​space created for girls to come together, support and encourage each other, learn and develop themselves to be more confident and better individuals.

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Single mothers are mothers too

Written by Estelle Ng, Change Maker

motherIn a commentary written by local journalist Kirsten Han, she observed that even though we live in a society whereby in situations where domestic violence and familial abuse occur, some of us are more concerned about “how a family is defined” rather than the “actual hurt that a person is suffering”. What does she mean by this?

In the eyes of the state, its institutions and “mainstream society”, a nuclear family is defined as one that comprises a father, a mother, one or more children, preferably living with grandparents. Each parent has an assigned role based on gender stereotypes about the responsibilities of man and woman: women are compelled to be primarily responsible for child-rearing due to their supposed “nurturing nature” while men are responsible for providing for the family by bringing home the bacon.

The implications of such gender stereotypes are that more often than not, women have to bear the brunt of preserving the familial unit especially in terms of bringing up the children, whether they are married or single.

Returning to the statement by Kirsten, she means that in this pro-family country, help and protection are selectively given to deserving families, families who fit into the prescribed, “normal” arrangement.

One of the most obvious ways of defining family in this country is to define the types of relationships that are deserving enough for stable housing and for building a household.

When a single mother wants to buy a HDB flat, she cannot apply for a BTO flat nor can she apply for a three-room flat because she does not have a legal spouse. For mothers who had sacrificed their careers to become stay-home-mothers and had solely relied on their ex-husbands/partners as sole breadwinners, the struggle to build a new home as a single mother is a gruelling one. And she does not get the support she needs just because her familial relationship does not fall into the prescribed ideal.

It is high time we realise that reality is less straightforward than this ideal.

Let’s talk about single mothers and their families.

Mothers

In the society we live in, parenthood is hierarchically organised according to gender and marital status, and we see this in policies such as the differentiated parental leaves. By codifying such sentiments, we seem to take for granted that all parents, regardless of gender, sexuality and marital status are parents too. From changing diapers, feeding the family, to providing guidance by inculcating values and skills to children, the list of direct and indirect childrearing and family maintenance goes on.

There are many reasons why some mothers choose to be or end up as single mothers. Apart from the preconceived stereotype that all single mothers are single because they engage in unprotected pre-marital sex, single motherhood can be a reality as a result of a divorce, a death of a spouse, or even a choice to not get married but still want to be a mother. It is definitely time to recognise and acknowledge that there is a variety of motherhood experiences – one that knows no boundaries and one that accepts all mothers as mothers, all parents as parents in their own right.

Children

o-SINGLE-MOM-facebookI remember a friend in her late forties commenting:

Being a daughter of a single mother, I am sensitive to topics about the injustices that single parents face because I have personal experience of that. However, we must not forget about the experiences of their children too.

Currently, children of single mothers are considered illegitimate because they are so defined by Chapter 162 Legitimacy Act of our legislation. Our legislation has far-reaching consequences, and they include the prospect of single mothers investing at least $3000 on adopting their own child to make him/her legitimate. Yet, there is no guarantee that adoption of their biological child will be successful. Not only does the label of illegitimacy serve to fuel the existing stigma that single mother families face, the experiences of children from single mother families are invalidated and silenced.

In sum, the issue of single mothers does not only affect mothers themselves but has impacts on their children. Acknowledging the presence and validity of single motherhood does not and will not breed a society of single mothers because whether a mother decides to get a marriage certificate or leave the marriage is a personal choice to begin with. No one should be punished for wanting to have children or starting a family without always being legally married to someone else.

When we say we want to build a caring, gracious and inclusive society, we can start by acknowledging every person’s right to make a personal choice and accept that there will be a plurality of parenting, parenthood and motherhood in Singapore.

Women are raising the next generation of children. These women are expected to be strong as well in order not to transfer the angst to their children. If they do not get support from society at large, it’s going to affect the next generation.” – J, single mother since 2009

 

estelle About the AuthorLiving by the motto permanent impermanence, Estelle realises that with every moment never capable of repeating itself, life is simply too short to be spent waiting for things to happen. She is currently a Sociology undergraduate who believes that the power of words and the arts can inspire conversations.