Tag: gender roles

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I was never one of those boys

 by Kelvin Ng Jiawin, Change Maker

Note: This was a spoken word poem I recently penned; it deals with my experience with the concept of masculinity growing up, and my sense of alienation from traditionally masculine activities and spaces led me to my conviction in feminism. My belief in feminism stems from the fact that a lot of men, like me, are hurt and restricted by the patriarchy and traditional gender stereotypes. It should be acknowledged, however, that cisgender males still hold an immense amount of privilege, and while men are oppressed by the patriarchy, it is hardly equal in scale to the oppression women and trans people face. 

girls night outGrow a pair. Don’t cry. Be strong. Use force. Be a man.

I was never one of the boys. I was always the sissy, the bapok, the chao ahgua, the niangniangqiang, the sei geilou, cornered as my male classmates discussed the EPL, the NBA, the NFL and a bunch of other three-letter acronyms I didn’t care for, as they threw slurs in two Chinese dialects, three regional variations of English, four of Singapore’s national languages.

I was always the work-in-progress, the interim, the blank canvas waiting for Men’s Health to superimpose Chris Hemsworth’s biceps and Zac Efron’s abs onto, for Maxim to quantify in numerical terms: muscle mass, bodily fat composition, penis size.

I was always the flaming homosexual, the gay propagandist, the one out to get your children, simply for being into theatre and fashion and cooking — because obviously Rodger and Hammerstein and Stephen Sondheim and Ralph Lauren and Gordon Ramsay don’t exist, and gosh, aren’t those for girls?

I was never allowed to express how I felt — emotion equals vulnerability, equals femininity. I was told to bury those emotions and hide them from plain sight, to confine myself to a psychological prison. Because if a man sheds a single tear, he is no longer that. He is feminised. He is less than.

Top-Toy-boy-playing-with-doll1Feminism offered me a parole.

But wait — feminism? But fem means female, so obviously they’re a bunch of man-hating misandrists who want to oppress men and taking away your rights and oh did I mention they hate men? Do you hate yourself?

It was ridiculous, really, how egregiously misunderstood feminism as an ideology is. But I found the language to articulate the hurt I felt, for deviating from established gender roles. I found the freedom to flip my finger to traditional gender systems. I found clarity, to realise how fucked-up it is that I should be expected to live up to arbitrary ideals, that I should be deemed inferior for even being different, that I should laugh in casual nonchalance and mask my ideology in the face of a sandwich joke just to fit in.

Feminism, really, isn’t about bringing down men; it’s about bringing down traditional masculinity. It’s about allowing us — men, women, or wherever we may fall on the gender spectrum, to live our lives beyond the narrow pigeonholes of our assigned gender. To choose.

I need feminism, because I love Sylvia Plath and sketching stilettos and knowing all the lyrics to Wicked and that shouldn’t be deemed as girly or frivolous or inane.

I need feminism, because I want my nephew to be able to play with his sister’s dollhouse and she, with his basketball without their mum going all up in arms about how boys should act like boys; I need feminism, because how biological are gender differences anyway, when society makes a big fuss over boys wearing skirts and playing with kitchen sets, and reinforces heteronormativity at every opportunity it gets?

I need feminism, because I long for the freedom to be able to relieve myself of the burden of failure — of failing to live up to a construct that arbitrarily categorises us into tidy, Mars-Venus boxes and denies us our common, earthly humanity; a construct so fragile that we have to shroud it with careful caveats: metrosexual, bromance, guyliner, manbag, no homo.

I need feminism, because I want to unlearn the hyper-masculine posturing, the internalised sexism, the entitlement, the mansplaining, and to be able to acknowledge half the world’s population as equals not just in name but in actuality.

I need feminism, because I want to laugh, to cry, to hug someone, to feel vulnerable, to care, and to feel the full spectrums of emotions I’m allowed to beyond paroxysms of rage and rancour.

I need feminism, because all the issues raised by meninism, or men’s rights activism — male violence, custody battles, alimony, national service — all stem from patriarchal mindsets.They all stem from our ingrained cultural connotations of violence, emotional indifference, toughness and hilariously inadept children that we’ve grown to associate with traditional masculinity.

I need feminism, because the very people angrily tweeting #NotAllMen are the ones who routinely sweep us under the carpet, who exclude us from traditionally masculine spaces, who ignore the existence of gay men, trans men and men of colour.

I need feminism, because with 3.5 billion men in the world, there isn’t possibly one way to be a man.

I need feminism, because I want us to stop celebrating masculinity, and start celebrating men, women, cisgender or transgender, for being who they are, and me for who I am.

pic1About the Author: Kelvin Ng is a debater by training and part-time poet. His biggest accomplishment is remembering all the lyrics to Beyonce’s ***Flawless — both the original one and the Nicki Minaj remix — so that must mean something.

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Gaming As Women

by Ming Gui, Change Maker

From the massive underrepresentation of females in video games to the sexualisation of female characters, video games have been responsible for promoting gender norms and stereotypes. Since we were young, we have seen female characters like Princess Peach and Zelda portrayed as damsels in distress, waiting around for a male character to rescue them.

So why these stereotypes are an issue, and what are their impact?

Firstly, it encourages negative attitude and beliefs

Warrior_FemaleIn games like Grand Theft Auto, Tomb Raider and Dead or Alive, female characters are shown as scantily-clad women with large breasts, an impossibly slim figure and a face that society would describe as beautiful or sexy. In fact, a study by Dill and Thill in 2005 found that 80% of video games include such portrayal of women. Female characters are also, more often than not, portrayed as weak, dependent or as damsels in distress.

What kind of message would this send to the players? That girls should aim to achieve the body of, and dress just like, the female characters in order to be liked? Or that women are supposed to always wait around for a guy to rescue her?

How are you even supposed to fight enemies while dressed like that? I would be too busy pulling and adjusting that thin piece of cloth covering my important parts whenever I walked.

Secondly, it encourages tolerance and support for sexual harassment and rape

Research by Dill, Brown, and Collins found that long-term exposure to violent video games can lead to more tolerance towards sexual violence. One possible reason could be that because video games portray sexual harassment and rape as the norm, it is also seen as the norm by the player, even in real life. Sometimes, the game might even praise the player for using such violent means to progress through a mission.

17pofc3mjy2xsjpgThis is further supported by a study done by Yao, Mahood, and Linz. Of the 74 males who were assigned to play either a sexually-explicit or non-sexually-explicit game, those who played a sexually-explicit game were more likely to view women as sex objects and display inappropriate behaviours towards them.

Some may argue that men are equally objectified in video games because they are portrayed to be muscular, strong and impossibly well-built. However…

If we examine the traits given to female and male characters, we will notice that female characters are usually portrayed to have no other personality other than their big bust and beautiful figure. Whereas for male characters, they are usually portrayed as not just muscular, but strong, courageous and brave. There is a difference in the messages the game sends across to each gender. Being portrayed as nothing but a beautiful figure is not the same as being portrayed as a muscular and strong person. One is passive while the other is active.

As video game critique Jimquisition points out, there is a difference: Female characters are objectified while male characters are idealised.

As the video game industry is worth billions of dollars with millions of players, changes need to be made in the video game industry in order to further promote the cause of gender equality. If game producers were to be a little more mindful of the gender stereotypes they portray in their games, we will be one step closer to gender equality.

As a child, I remember that my favourite game is Super Mario. In the game, Princess Peach is always being kidnapped by the big bad guy Browser, and it is up to Mario and Luigi to save her. Because the characters are cartoons and I play as Mario, it does not have that much of an impact on my views of men and women. However, I recall finding myself wishing that I can play as Princess Peach instead, and have my own adventures to escape from Browser’s castle.

15gaming-callout-master1050As I got older, the gaming world grew as well. I started playing a few MMORPGs. In these games, I noticed that female characters always have great clothes, really big busts and just look really pretty. I remember spending a lot of time customising my character. Before I knew it, I started wishing that I could look like them. I even started altering my appearance, and buying accessories that looks like the character’s. Looking back, it was the first time I actually took notice of my own appearance and started being self-conscious. It affected me slightly, as I fought to attain the unachievable beauty of my character, spending hours in front of my computer screen and visualising myself looking like my character.

Now, as a young adult, I feel confident with my own looks. I now play games for the plot and storyline, not for the beauty of the characters. However, my story illustrates the impact that gaming has on young teenagers who are still learning to accept and love their own bodies.

As a hardcore female gamer, I would love to play a game where female characters are shown as brave warriors, but without being scantily-clad or sexualised. I would love to play a game where male characters are not always the aggressive one, and are capable of showing emotions.

I would love to play a game meant for everybody.

References:

Dill, K. E., Brown, B. P., & Collins, M. A. (2008). Effects of exposure to sex-stereotyped video game characters on tolerance of sexual harassment. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 44(5), 1402–1408. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2008.06.002

Dill, K. E, & Thill, K. P. (2007). Video game characters and the socialization of gender roles: Young people’s perceptions mirror sexist media depictions. Sex Roles, 57, 851–864. doi:10.1007/s11199-007-9278-1

Yao, M. Z., Mahood, C., & Linz, D. (2009). Sexual priming, gender stereotyping, and likelihood to sexually harass: Examining the cognitive effects of playing a sexually-explicit video game. Sex Roles, 62(1-2), 77–88. doi: 10.1007/s11199-009-9695-4

About the Author: Min is a hardcore gamer with a Steam library loaded with games. She loves Skyrim, Two Worlds, GTA, Vampire: The Masquerade, Pokemon, Ace Attorney, Final Fantasy, and the list could stretch on for miles. She hopes to play more games that allows her to play as a strong female character.  

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Gender Stereotypes We’d Like To Get Rid Of

The following quotes were collected for the unpublished We Can! magazine, now published for the We Can! blog. 

I wish people would stop thinking that guys should be really into physical ability, whether in real life or in the media. Am I supposed to feel bad because I don’t want to spend as much time in the gym as others do, or because I can’t run in circles as fast as other people? I don’t want to “be a man” and hit the weights with you!

– Alvin, 21

People (usually relatives) like to ask, “Do you have a boyfriend?” When you answer in the negative, they always give you a sceptical look, or ask again teasingly. Why can’t it be that a girl has other priorities?

– Melissa, 22

A stereotype I would like to get rid of is that guys cannot participate in so-called “feminine” activities such as dancing. I think dance is a way of expressing oneself and it should not be classified as either “male” or “female.”

– Edmil, 16

There is an expectation for women to obey the “head of the household” in the family, who is usually either her father or husband. This should change as it takes away a woman’s right to make decisions on her own.

– Wan Jing, 20

The gender stereotype that I find the most annoying is how guys are expected to be emotionally stoic and “man up” when encountering difficulties – as if having or showing emotion is a bad thing.

– John, 22

I don’t like the fact that people think I am bad at cooking just because I am a boy. My relatives expect my sister to cook and do the dishes and would prefer me to be doing odd jobs around the house, but I enjoy cooking and I’m pretty good at it!

– Anand, 20

A stereotype I wish did not exist is that women don’t have to achieve as much as their male counterparts. We start to expect less of ourselves and send the message that women don’t deserve equal support and opportunities.

– Genevieve, 22

I wanted to study Literature at university, but for some reason my friends and family accused me of being “girly” because I didn’t want to go into Maths or Engineering. I went through a hard time before finally applying for English.

– Harith, 24

I hate the misconception that women are somehow more emotional than men and that we are better at coping with sentiments like love or grief. I hate it when my feelings are dismissed because I’m a girl.

– Nehmat, 19

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Gender Stereotypes and Sexual Violence

The following article was written by a Change Maker for the unpublished We Can! magazine, now re-published for the We Can! blog. 

stereotypes Everyone laughs at jokes about PMS, Sarong Party Girls, and gu niangs. Birthday gifts to boys – trucks, trains and soldiers – come in blue, while girls are given dolls and kitchen sets wrapped in pink. A guy raking up sexual conquests under his belt is an enviable stud, yet a girl who does the same is a cheap slut.

What does any of this have to do with violence against women?

For most part, we let these stereotypes slide as jokes or convenient ways of classifying people. Yet those who accept gender stereotypes are more likely to be the perpetrators – as well as victims – of sexual violence. Why? At the heart of these stereotypes lie messages of male superiority and entitlement, and conversely those of female inferiority and subservience.

Let’s break down some examples. Trivialising a woman’s emotions, especially anger or sadness, as “just PMS” enforces the idea that women are naturally worse at decision-making than men, and conversely, that men are always level-headed and unsentimental. Calling a man who’s physically weaker a “gu niang” or “girl” reflects how we view women as weak and incompetent, such that for a man to be seen as one is to have failed. Bad-mouthing women who enjoy male attention or aren’t ashamed of their sexuality by referring to them as “SPGs” and “sluts” means agreeing that women who have sexual relations on their own terms are airheaded or debauched. Men, on the other hand, are largely able to dictate when, where and with whom sex happens without their virtue or intelligence being called into question.

Gender stereotypes inform our (mis)conceptions of masculinity and femininity. Based on these beliefs, we come to define manhood as being dominant, macho, and sexually aggressive. We define womanhood as being cautious, modest, and gentle; women who fall short of this are “bad girls” who deserve trouble.

stereotypes2These broad and often unquestioned ideas of what makes a “man” or a “woman” – some of which we may not even be aware we hold – in turn contribute to sexual violence. A boy forces himself on a girl because he has grown up learning that “real men” are forceful and always get what they want, while women don’t really know what they want or are taught not to express it. A girl who likes to drink and dance is immediately read as promiscuous, and her behaviour is taken as consent to sexual intercourse.

It is not true that men are aggressors and women victims by default: men, too, are vulnerable to abuse. Male victims face difficulties speaking out, being believed, and finding help in large part because of the expectation that men are to be stoic and strong. Women make up the bulk of victims because as a group, they are vulnerable in the same way that certain other sections of society – such as the elderly, children, ethnic minorities, and migrants – are also more susceptible to violence and exploitation. These groups are not given as loud a voice as other, more powerful groups are. Discrimination and violence, whether individual or systemic, often come from the same roots: the strong trying to control the weak.

We are socialised into gender stereotypes, not born into them. They do not have to shape the way we treat people or ourselves. By recognising that gender stereotypes box people – including ourselves – in harmful ways, we make the first steps towards equal, violence-free relationships with the people around us.

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The Art of Growing Up

by Lishani Ramanayake, Change Maker and Body/Language creative writing workshop participant

Here’s an urban myth-
If your second toe is longer than your first,
you’ll be a dominating wife.
When you are 12, your grandmother will tell you that when a nice doctor with a car and a house
comes looking for your hand,
Your sari should always cover your feet,
because who wants a wife that will tell you what to do?
This will be the first time they teach you womanhood.

When you are 13, your aunt will tell you to eat less,
That cute boys don’t date fat girls,
That there are a 100 calories in a banana,
That you are unpretty until told otherwise.

When you are 14, your English teacher will tell you that he’d like to see your hips in a sari,
You will want to take your thick anthology of poems by Rudyard Kipling
And shove it down his throat
As if doing so will erase the indelible mark he left on you
As if doing so means that you can drape silk on skin and not have it feel like an unwelcome touch
As if doing so means you will forget
But instead, you will smile and glance away, uncomfortable, apologetic, because good little
Ceylonese girls are always meant to be seen and not heard.

When you are 15, your mother will tell you not to cut your hair,
Do not listen.
When she says that girls should have two tight braids hanging down the length of their spine as
they sit straight, legs crossed at the ankles like the ladies they- YOU- are supposed to be,
Do not listen.
Cut your hair. Run with scissors in your hand. Do not listen.
When you are 16, you will meet a boy
with eyes the colour of a bleeding sky and a smile that tastes like Sunday mornings.
You will think you’re in love.

When you are 17, don’t do it.
When he tries to take your shirt off instead of teaching you how to drive,
Don’t do it.
When he says you’ll do it if you love him,
Don’t do it.
When he breaks up with you, you will feel like cutting out every part of you he’s ever touched
As if salvation can come from the sweet kiss of a razor blade,
As if bleeding your veins dry will take away whatever is left of him inside you,
Don’t do it.

When you are 18,
You will think you have the whole world figured out,
You’ll think you fit in their boxes,
You won’t fit in their boxes,
Fuck their boxes,
Make your own box,
Make your own circle if you have to.

About the Author: Lishani Ramanayake hails from Sri Lanka, but has made Singapore her adopted home. She has been many things- an imaginary pirate, a tree climber, a freelance journalist, and an undergraduate at Yale-NUS College.

 

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Of boundaries, consent and respect

by Delia Toh, Change Maker

If it were up to me to design a sexuality education class for students, I’d put “respect” on my list of learning objectives. I believe that if Singaporeans aren’t having quality relationships, it’s because we’ve not been taught to respect each other.

I was from a girls’ school, and I vividly remember our teacher telling us during health education classes not to dress in revealing clothes or go out late at night, among other things. Bearing in mind that the majority of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, this advice is ineffective. What people really need to learn about is consent and respecting another person’s boundaries.

delia-blog

Here, I’ll debunk 4 myths about relationships and dating. However, instead of assuming how people of different genders are “wired” to behave, I will focus on ensuring individual respect

MYTH #1: Men are visual, women are emotional. Men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love. Men are X, women are Y. Stereotypes, stereotypes, stereotypes!

FACT: We ought to unlearn everything we’ve been taught about the “opposite” gender (and of course recognise the existence of other genders). Individuals should be recognised as people with their own desires that have nothing to do with their gender. One dangerous manifestation of these beliefs (that so many of my peers believe) is the misconception that “women only like bad boys, they don’t want nice guys”. Men like Julien Blanc (whose promotion of sexual assault as a “pick-up technique” has gotten him banned from several countries, including Singapore) believe in such harmful rhetoric, and encourage other men to dominate and abuse women to “attract” them.

MYTH #2: If a man persists in the pursuit of a woman who is not interested, she will eventually give in.

FACT: This is a dangerous variation of the assumption that “when a woman says ‘no’, she really means ‘yes’ or ‘convince me’”. The media tends to portray unwanted romantic pursuit as “sweet”, but in real life the experience can be downright scary for women as it may sometimes escalate into stalking or other potentially violent situations. We should remember that women are people with their own agency and they have a right to say no. They do not exist solely as romantic prizes to be won.

If she continuously rebuffs you, it’s a cue for you to move on. Only continue if she responds positively (i.e. gives consent).

MYTH #3: If he’s nasty to a woman, it means he likes her.

FACT: A woman has the right to be treated civilly. If someone else’s behavior is hurting her, then that someone needs to learn to express themselves in a healthy way. Insulting someone else is never “cute” and women are not obliged to feel flattered or complimented if it makes them uncomfortable. This applies to cat-calling and street harassment, too.

MYTH #4: Men are just being friendly when they harass women online and on the street. Women should not be annoyed by it.

FACT: Sometimes, the reason women are bothered by these unwanted interactions has nothing to do with the other party’s intentions, but rather how it makes them feel. I once had a guy add me on Facebook when I’d only met him once, but then he started looking through all my Facebook photos and commenting on the way I smiled and my weight, while saying I was too opinionated and that I could not swear. I don’t know what his intentions were, but I felt like he thought I existed purely for his gratification. I later blocked him. We are not obliged to give anyone our attention if we don’t want to just because we exist.

When we interact with our friends, we’re all aware of the social boundaries that we shouldn’t cross. We should also recognise these boundaries when interacting with women. We can all have better and safer relationships if we all treated each other with respect.

deliaAbout the author: Delia is a second year Chemical Engineering undergraduate at University College London. She has enjoyed blogging since her secondary school days. She would now like to move on from raving about school work to raising awareness through her writing. She strongly believes people are more different than similar, and that individuals ought to be valued for who they are inside.

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Beyond The Binary: Ending Transphobia

by Kelvin Ng Jiawin, Change Maker

“My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s f**ked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.”

pic1transphThe last lines of Leelah Alcorn’s suicide note highlight what’s most heart-wrenching about her suicide: that it is not an isolated incident. Leelah Alcorn is one name in the long list of transgender individuals who have faced violence and hostility due to their gender identity, including Islan Nettles, Tiffany Edwards, Zoraida Reyes and Kandy Hall.

Transphobia is a unique form of gender-based violence that remains painfully under-discussed in mainstream discourse, but as recent events have shown, this is a necessary conversation to have – something needs to be done about the discrimination of trans individuals.

“Huh? Transphobia? What’s that?”

Let’s get some definitions out of the way, first.

  • Assigned sex: The sex you were assigned at birth and put on your birth certificate.
  • Gender identity: The gender you identify with; may correspond to or differ from your assigned sex! I can be assigned male at birth, and identify as a female.

For most people, gender identity has never been an issue. Most tend to simply take their gender for granted as they feel comfortable identifying with the gender they were assigned at birth. Individuals whose gender identity match their assigned sex are known as cisgender.

However, it is important not to universalize this experience: for many, their assigned sex simply does not reflect their identity as a human being. Trans individuals can identify as male, female or outside of the gender binary (i.e. neither male nor female, but as genderqueer, agender, non-binary*, etc.).

Simplistically speaking, transphobia arises from firmly conforming to concepts of sex and gender. Most of mainstream society tends to associate gender identity, assigned sex, gender expression† (and to an extent, sexual orientation) as synonymous concepts; this results in gender roles and stereotypes that affects cisgender, or ‘cis’, individuals as well (cis women, for example, are expected to conform to the feminine ideals of subservience and silence).

While society today, by and large, are more tolerant of cis individuals who don’t conform to a certain gender role, the discrepancy between a trans individual’s gender identity and assigned sex can be met with hostility due to ignorance. In reality, however, there is no one way to be human: just because something is more common doesn’t mean it is any more normal or natural, and it is perfectly normal to feel alienated in one’s assigned sex.

joelizTransphobia is also reinforced by the underrepresentation of trans people. Rarely do we see trans people being adequately represented in governance, civil society or the media. This creates ignorance: people tend to form stereotypes of trans people from whatever little they are exposed to – my first exposure to the word “transgender” came in the form of a disparaging insult toward how another person looked. Trans identities are relegated to punchlines about vacations in Bangkok and deemed perverted or unnatural. It becomes easy to demonize entire groups of people you don’t know much about, but the fact remains that trans people do exist and they don’t just come in the form of shimmying drag queens (they can, and there’s nothing wrong with that!) – they lead human lives as do all of us.

“But why should I care? It’s not like I’m actively persecuting them!”

Leelah Alcorn’s case has illustrated two important things: first, violence does not merely come in the form of in physical abuse or assault, but also (and perhaps more insidiously) in a disregard and disrespect toward a person’s gender identity; second, this violence can be inflicted by anyone – people like you and I, and in Leelah’s case, her very own mother. Hence, it is important to to be mindful of the effect our words and actions may have on trans individuals.

As a cis male myself, I find it essential to recognize the privilege I possess by virtue of my gender identity – while I try to do all within my means to be inclusive toward trans individuals, there is no denying that I myself benefit from a system that actively marginalizes them. Other than the misgendering and exclusion Leelah faced, trans individuals also face harassment, hate speech and violence in schools, at work, in public spaces or even at home. Employment discrimination continues to be rampant as ever against trans individuals, and trans people are still routinely excluded from gender-exclusive spaces as well as basic medical care. In Singapore, trans identities are not legally recognized until after transition, which can be an unaffordable luxury; this deprives trans people of the right to identify as who they really are.

“Transphobia sucks. What can I do as a cis ally?”

While it may be hard, and inaccessible for many, to push for legislative change on an individual basis, cis individuals can play a part as an ally by being more mindful to create a safer place for trans individuals.

The first step in doing so, undoubtedly, will be to respect and recognize a trans person’s gender identity and the terminology they choose. Use their preferred pronouns when addressing them and avoid misgendering them by using their name or gender pronoun assigned at birth. It is also important to realize that their narrative is no one else’s to craft but their own, and to respect their right to do so.

We also have to be respectful about boundaries; be fully aware about confidentiality and exposing a fellow trans person, unwittingly or otherwise, as this may create backlash especially in intolerant settings. (Not to mention the fact that invading someone else’s privacy is a completely asinine thing to do.) Avoid asking about a trans person’s “real name”, or genitalia, or sex life – not only can it be a trigger for unhappy incidences, you wouldn’t ask a cis person the same questions either!

Lastly, actively challenge transphobia – both internalized or otherwise. Growing up cisgender, it can be easy to disregard the existence of trans people. The fact, however, is that this willful ignorance does nothing for trans people – it doesn’t shift the status of their rights nor change the harassment they face on a daily basis. Challenge transphobia by calling out anti-transgender jokes and remarks in public spaces, by supporting gender-neutral language and facilities, and most importantly, by listening to trans individuals. It doesn’t matter if we’ve been problematic in the past – what matters is that we’ve learned from those mistakes and are consciously working towards creating a safer world for our fellow trans friends.

* Genderqueer individuals don’t identify as either male or female, agender individuals don’t identify with any gender at all, while non-binary individuals identify as a gender other than male or female.
† The manner you express your identity, via mannerisms, fashion or behaviour. May or may not correspond to the former two categories; cis males who perform in drag adopt a gender expression considered feminine.

pic1About the Author: Kelvin Ng is a debater by training and part-time poet. His biggest accomplishment is remembering all the lyrics to Beyonce’s ***Flawless — both the original one and the Nicki Minaj remix — so that must mean something.

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Breaking Out of the Gender Mould

by Meera Sachdeva, Change Maker

Gender roles are social norms individuals of each gender are expected to abide by. For example, in many societies, men are expected to be breadwinners while women are expected to stay at home and take care of the family.

The problem with gender roles is that they inherently punish people who deviate from the norm. They may only cease to exist if enough people break out of them but until the social stigma is removed, this will remain a challenge.

Another issue with fixed gender roles is the perpetuation of gender stereotypes that men dominate and women are subservient. These seemingly small issues escalate to serious problems like sexual violence. Tackling these problems requires attacking the root of the problem: gender roles.

bebin-woman_1678837i (1)Women in the Military

We spoke to 25-year-old Sumita who joined the military as a full-time officer at the age of 21. Sumita was inspired to follow this path by her uncle, who has served in the army for over three decades. In her experience, military training is equally challenging for men and women, and more women should contribute to the defence sector.

She shared, “Being in the army is really different from what women in Singapore think it’s like. It’s a completely different world. Yes, it’s mostly men, but they’re are just as afraid of what’s going on as you are.”

Sumita also debunked the misconception that men are automatically more suited to military life by sheer physical strength. “There are different ways to contribute in the army. Medics are equally important as those fighting on the field. The guys in my generation are a lot more willing to accept women as soldiers.”

Screen-Shot-2013-06-26-at-11.09.56-AM-1024x573Women in Construction

We also spoke to Sylvia, a mother of three who shared her experience in the construction industry. Getting her foot in the door was a challenge, but Sylvia was determined to get hands-on experience in the field.

“My boss who had a small construction company needed a project team and I came in handy because I’d studied building. You’re working with mostly men; no boss would take the risk to see whether a woman can “survive”. If it weren’t for my boss it would be tough to get into that kind of job.”

Sylvia’s husband is equally supportive of her choices. “He never once suggested that I stop working….and whenever I have to work longer hours, my husband would take care of the kids.”

Her advice to women trying to break into a male-dominated industry? “It’s about who you are, your ability, your passion, being good at what you do and having the attitude required to learn in order to excel. Don’t let your gender stop you from doing what you want.”

23GRAY-articleLargeStay At Home Fathers

Thien Yew, a father of two, chose to be a stay-at-home father from 2001-2008 while his wife became the primary breadwinner. They decided it would be beneficial to have a parent at home since their younger son was just entering secondary school.

“Those years that I spent with my sons were a wonderful takeaway. All of us benefitted from the arrangement. On one hand, I was able to understand their lives in school, what they go through, their friends, and the teachers they interact with. On the other, they were happy to have a chauffeur and some company after school!”

Thien Yew opined, in response to an AWARE survey that showed 57% of men aged 18-29 believe that men should be the head of the household, that, “Singapore has progressed to a stage where women are generally accepted as capable and competent in their careers. The problem lies in traditional mindsets, but that’s changing. Women of the younger generation are keen to have their own equally successful careers.” However, he acknowledged that gender inequality in the workplace is still vast.

Thien Yew also shared that stay-at-home fathers are increasingly common and there needs to be open communication between couples to determine the values both parties mutually want to uphold.

Evidently, Singaporeans are able to treat people not conforming to gender roles without judgement or discrimination. Why, then, aren’t more people breaking out?

It’s because gender moulds are deeply entrenched in societal mindsets that any alternative is rarely considered. If children are thrust into their roles since birth, it’s substantially harder to break free.

Moreover, breaking gender roles is not solely a women’s issue. Without them, men are able to spend more time with their kids, with less pressure as a breadwinner, while women are able to pursue fulfilling careers they want.

If breaking out of the gender mould benefits everyone and is clearly the way forward, why is it taking us so long to get there?

About the Author:
Meermeeraa is a Grade 12 student at United World College. She enjoys debating, playing the guitar and drums and playing tennis with her sisters. In her spare time, she also likes writing about issues she is passionate about and believes strongly in encouraging empathy to fix entrenched problems like gender inequality. She is interested in Politics and Economics and how these fields can be used to better the lives of disadvantaged people.

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Boyhood

by Kelvin Ng Jiawin, Change Maker and Body/Language creative writing workshop participant. This piece was performed at the Singapore Writers Festival in November 2014. 

Dear 12-year-old Kelvin,

You are more than a simple three-digit test score, so
Don’t quantify your existence as a numerical term,
Don’t reduce yourself to a statistic that says nothing about you,
And don’t force yourself to see your image in white, able-bodied, cisgender, straight men;
Also, you’ll learn how to say “fuck you”
In a B-grade horror movie starring a white, able-bodied, cisgender, straight man;
But it’ll take you much longer to learn
How to say “fuck you” judiciously.

Dear 13-year-old Kelvin,
You came from an all boys primary school
Masquerading as a missionary boarding school with its fancy art deco facade,
And this may seem like a major revelation to you, but:
Men are not from Mars, they’re from Planet Earth;
Women are not from Venus, they’re from Planet Earth;
So stop trying to be a pseudo-Martian and just, you know, be yourself.

Dear 14-year-old Kelvin,
Just because everyone around you has a girlfriend,
Doesn’t mean you have to have one.
Take some time off, and get to know both herself and yourself better.
Also, banish the word “friendzone” from your vocabulary;
Expel it, exile it, extradite it altogether,
Because friendship should never be an insult.

Dear 15-year-old Kelvin,
You catch yourself stealing glances at the James Franco-lookalike in class,
And you catch yourself playing Born This Way on repeat a little too much;
Now repeat after me:
One: That is entirely normal,
Two: That doesn’t say anything about masculinity;
And three: What is masculinity, anyway?

Dear 16-year-old Kelvin,
You don’t have to take an all-science course just because you’re male,
You don’t have to force yourself into a sport you hate just because you’re male,
You don’t have to install DOTA2 on your laptop to get street cred just because you’re male.
I wish I could go all Butler on you — and read her, you’ll love her —
You literally don’t have to do anything just because you’re male.
(By the way, yes, I mean literally — check your privilege.)

Dear 17-year-old Kelvin,
You know what people say? That eating disorders are for girls only?
You’ll learn how insidious that twisted illusion is,
You’ll realise that there’s no point starving yourself and tasting the acidic tinge of your bile every recess,
You’ll discover that there’s so much more to life than trying to look like the Abercrombie and Fitch model gazing down at you, disapprovingly, when all you’re trying to do
Is to get to Kinokuniya across the street.
You learned the word “fuck” five years ago, now say:
Fuck body standards, fuck anyone who thinks you’re too fat, fuck anyone who thinks you’re too thin.

Dear 18-year-old Kelvin,
You just watched Boyhood,
And you can’t help but feel slightly alienated;
But remember:
You don’t have to see your image in a white, able-bodied, cisgender, straight man.

Sincerely,
19-year-old Kelvin.

pic1About the Author: Kelvin Ng is a debater by training and part-time poet. His biggest accomplishment is remembering all the lyrics to Beyonce’s ***Flawless — both the original one and the Nicki Minaj remix — so that must mean something.

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Nursery Rhymes

by Change Maker, Foo Jun Kit

pumpkinPeter, Peter, pumpkin eater,

Had a wife but couldn’t keep her;

He put her in a pumpkin shell

And there he kept her very well

A couple of questions must have crossed your mind after reading that poem. Firstly, what on Earth is the poet trying to say; that women are meant to be domesticated and cannot roam around freely? Secondly, doesn’t this poem sound familiar?

In fact, this is a nursery rhyme, “Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater”, which was played on my radio at home countless times when I was younger. It is short and very easy to remember, yet paints such a clearly horrifying picture of a woman being controlled by another man. Young, impressionable children should not be exposed to such nursery rhymes, for they may internalise these problematic ideas as they grow.

I do admire the ability of the poet to depict scenes and I had no trouble with imagination. Yet, I feel that the poet’s ability is so disappointingly misused; of the thousand and one things he could write about, he chose to portray women as weak creatures and puppets of men. What makes it worse is that this poem is meant to be for children.

After digesting this nursery rhyme, I had no difficulty identifying the problem with it, but obviously, young children would. In fact, I recited this nursery rhyme happily when I was young and only realised the implications when revisiting it recently. This clearly demonstrates the impressionability of a child’s mind. To us, the problematic stereotypes portrayed in the nursery rhyme seem obvious, but to the kids, they may be too subtle for them to detect.

Shockingly, it is relatively easy to identify another nursery rhyme with problematic gender stereotypes. The following stanzas are excerpts from a nursery rhyme entitled “Old Mother Hubbard”.

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone;

But when she came there

The cupboard was bare ,

And so the poor dog had none.

She went to the baker’s

To buy him some bread;

But when she came back

The poor dog was dead

She went to the joiner’s

To buy him a coffin;

But when she came back

The poor dog was laughing.

She went to the cobbler’s

To buy him some shoes;

But when she came back

He was reading the news.

The dame made a curtsey,

The dog made a bow;

The dame said, “Your servant,”

The dog said, “Bow-wow.”

047-004boney

The above nursery rhyme portrays men as masters of women with the power to order them around or demean them. The last stanza I cited portrays women as servants of men, and it doesn’t even make the slightest attempt to hide it. In fact, it uses the exact word “servant” to describe the dame. It is outrageous that kids are exposed to these nursery rhymes tainted with such problematic gender stereotypes and discrimination.

What’s worse is that I can still clearly remember the tune of this nursery rhyme. This shows how deep an impression this nursery rhyme has made on me since I was young. I wasn’t aware of the gender stereotypes portrayed in the song until I chanced upon a short critique of it. Even then, I could not believe it until I looked up the lyrics and saw how discriminatory they were.

I must reiterate that while these kinds of nursery rhymes introducing gender stereotypes to children may seem trivial, young children are often unable to decipher the hidden messages littered in nursery rhymes and unfortunately, these hidden messages all play a huge role in shaping their understanding and perceptions.  We must be mindful of what material we are sharing with our children and watch out for dangerous content like these. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a nice nursery rhyme, but there’s a whole lot wrong if a child is exposed to problematic material at such a young age.

Row, row, row your boat,

Gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,

Life is but a dream.

That’s more like it.

jun kitAbout the Author: Jun Kit is a Year 4 student at Raffles Institution, although often mistaken to be primary school student due to his massive height.  He is an avid fan of football but enjoys playing badminton too. Maybe one day, he’ll represent Singapore at the World Cup and lead the country to glory.  Besides playing sports, he is also a fan of writing and has his own blog page, albeit filled with football content. But at the moment, he’s focused on his studies and is all pumped up for the upcoming O Level Higher Chinese Examinations. Right.