Tag: gender inequality

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Language and how it is used against women

Written by Sriraksha Raghavan

J.K. Rowling once said that language is our most inexhaustible source of magic. There is a profundity to this statement that escapes people who engage in cavalier reading. We use words to convey what we mean, but in today’s world, language has been systematically used to convey what we wish to imply but not explicitly say. I say “systematic” because establishments and corporations use the technique of tweaking words to imply meanings that suit their agenda.

hillary

For example, consider the upcoming presidential campaign in America. A woman, Hillary Clinton, is one of the prime contenders for the job. When she is torn down, it is for reasons such as “she is manly”, “she is bossy”, “she is domineering” etc. I’d like to ask you to consider the three words “manly”, “bossy” and “domineering”. Apart from the obvious negativity in those words, they have no correlation with her work! She is not being criticised for being bad at her job. She is being criticised for being a woman trying to do a “man’s” job.words

This does not just pertain to high profile jobs and the top strata of society. Women from all areas of society are subjected to the consequences of sexist vocabulary. This goes on to create the economic inequality we see in the world today. Men are paid more because people are of the opinion that men work better—an opinion they derive from what they read and know. This is by no means the sole reason for the economic divide, but it is a contributing factor.

This poses a bigger problem to women in the lower strata of society because being paid less than men in a job like manual labour—which already has a salary that might be too low to cover basic expenses—means that the women have nearly nothing. In third world and developing countries, where a large number of men below the poverty line suffer from alcoholism, the highest earning member of the family—his wife—is shelling out money to satiate his addiction and care for the family on her salary alone, despite both of them working. This has led to women taking on multiple jobs, which might be beyond their physical and mental capacity.

One might argue that the poor barely have exposure to corporations and urban establishments that use this method of phrasing their words in a way that misrepresents women. But much like the river branching into tributaries and distributaries, and ultimately into streams that flow everywhere, the influence of words from the most powerful people in society percolates until it reaches the most powerless parts, where the intersectional clout of sexism creates many negative consequences in people’s lives.

About the author: Sriraksha is a student with a passion for learning and believes that if you learn anything in depth, a passion for it will follow. She thinks that the best way to enrich one’s life is to enrich that of others and hopes to do that for a living one day.

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How we internalise misogyny from stereotypes

Written by Sriraksha Raghavan

misogynist-01“Women are other women’s worst enemy” is a phrase so commonly heard that it has been reduced to an overused cliché. This statement finds its roots in women comparing themselves to one another, which often results in hate. Yet, even if women do not hate other women, it is common for women to be ranked below that of the male counterparts. Why? Because men are thought to be more capable than women. Ideally, we could count on universal sisterhood and unanimously deny that perception but reality is far from it. Instead, what we can do is to question why such perception exists. Why do women undermine other women?

Let’s start by taking a look at advertisements.

Turn on the television and a Nivea soap advertisement greets you. There is a woman. She strips and wets herself from the water spurting out from the shower head. With a soap on her body, she gushes over its miraculous abilities. She smiles at the camera and the advertisement ends.

Another advertisement follows. Men are cast to sell Movado watches. These watches symbolise “performance”, “strength” and “impact”, the advertisement says. In other words, masculinity is tied to success and power.

These two advertisements are just two examples of many. If you haven’t noticed by now, advertisements are gendered. On the one hand, they often use women to sell soaps, shampoos, home appliances – signaling the feminisation of the domestic sphere. On the other hand, men are cast to sell watches, cars, and other items – items that are symbolises power, fame and class.

On an everyday basis we are bombarded with stereotypes of what men and women are supposed to be like and we begin to believe it. What is more, it is easier to learn and internalise stereotypes when we start seeing these at a young age and do not know any better. Ultimately, media becomes a  standard by which people assess how to behave in the world and learn what is appropriate.

What has this got to do with women fighting with each other, you ask? Perhaps the phrase “internalised misogyny” may help.

Misogyny refers to the dislike or ingrained prejudice against women. Internalised misogyny would then translate to how this concept is accepted and subsequently incorporated into our psyches. In other words, the phrase refers to the internalisation of these sexist comments and gender stereotypes, the often subconscious belief that they are true.

8443610_f520In drama series, women talk ill about other women and are seen fighting over men. We know that such never-ending strings of fights seem unrealistic. Yet, we internalise and accept these images as the norm. In sum, we internalise the hate for other women.

The belief of prejudice against women is involuntary. It is not a conscious decision to think this way but it is actually a response to all the preconceived notions about women that society perpetuates.

We often do not realize that we are being bombarded with such images because they are so subtle. American cartoonist Alison Bechdel used her cartoon to come up with a test which is now called the Bechdel test. It requires a work of fiction to fulfill three criteria:-

There must be two women in the said work of fiction

They must talk to each other

They must talk about something other than a man.

The number of works that will fail to satisfy this criteria is staggering. With subtleties that can be so easily overlooked, stereotypes have actively proliferated to the extent that people cannot see beyond it.

A worldwide experiment called the ‘Goldberg Paradigm’ was conducted to assess if gender bias is real. Participants were asked to read an article which was supposedly written by a man and then evaluate it. Then the same article was circulated under the name of a woman, and the same people (both men and women) were asked to evaluate it again. It was seen that people graded the article higher when they thought it was a man writing it than when they thought it was a woman.

As social creatures, we are conditioned to follow certain norms in order to fit in. Gender stereotypes portrayed in the media, albeit merely constructed by fellow humans, can easily be internalised and reinforced. We need to educate ourselves and become aware of the stereotypes we are upholding or subjecting others to. We need to question why is the norm a norm. We need to question the kinds of prejudices that exist today. Awareness and subsequently, a conscious effort to not perpetuate these stereotypes and prejudices are first steps to build a better and freer world for humans – men and women alike – to live in.

About the Author: Sriraksha is a student with a passion for learning and believes that if you learn anything in depth, a passion for it will follow. She thinks that the best way to enrich one’s life is to enrich that of others and hopes to do that for a living one day. 

 

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Not Anyone’s Girl

Written by Corrine Lin, Change Maker

 Unpublished+She+Said+Article.“I won’t want my girl to work in Marketing as it involves a lot of client entertainment. It’s best for you to stay in your current department now.”This was perhaps one of the most offensive statement I’ve come across in my career life when I requested for a transfer. At that time, I was working in a ‘male dominated’ industry where Marketing and Sales meant the same scope of work; to meet clients, get sales orders, have dinner, keep them entertained with drinks and party all night. It felt like a norm back then, that there was no choice but to accept being the lesser valued gender, being in a man’s industry.

Even when I was doing my diploma, we had only about four girls in a class of 40 guys in our course. When I started my first job, I was the only female employee working on-site for my company. Looking back, it was either inspiring or intimidating, especially to those who avoided the very industry I was entering. Due to this very reason, I have always felt taken care of by my colleagues and especially my bosses. They feared for my safety, especially in a site filled with hundreds of males. When I entered meeting rooms, the usual harsh tones and vulgarities became mellowed. Men’s conversations turn into awkward whispers when I came in to office. Although I was treated with respect and politeness, I always felt scrutinised, weak and never really belonged no matter how much I tried to fit in. It was a lot harder for me to break past this comfort barrier and challenge myself in my career progression.

While the statement above seemed like a protective move from my then boss, I was very much offended by it. Despite many justifications and enthusiasm in taking up the role, I was still denied the transfer. I was not evaluated based on my capability but by who I was. Furthermore, I am not anyone’s girl. To date, neither have my father nor my husband has introduced me as their girl. I am a daughter, I am a wife, but never anyone’s girl because I belong to me. Would any professionals refer their male subordinates as their boy? Even when I had a female boss, she has never demean her male subordinates with such labels. I quit the job not long later, after a three hour talk with my manager trying to persuade me to stay.

In any field of study or work, and especially life, it pays a lot more to prove our worth by accomplishing results with our commitment, efforts and intellect. We are all individuals with capabilities, personalities and characters or our own. All we need, is mutual respect.


Today, the male domination labels are slowly diminishing. Women like us have access to supportive and empowered environment; we are climbing up corporate boards, we have female Presidents and we are making positive dents in the world. For those of us who are still behind shadows, it’s time to break past this limiting barrier we think others are setting for us. The world is our oyster now.

 

About the Author

Profilepic3Corrine writes for L3 Hub (www.l3hub.org), a ​​space created for girls to come together, support and encourage each other, learn and develop themselves to be more confident and better individuals.

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I don’t want a patriarchal wedding

Written by Estelle Ng, Change Maker

These days, circumstances have led me into thinking about the concept of weddings. It could be because many people I know are either getting engaged, preparing for their weddings or currently documenting their weddings on Instagram.

In particular, I woke up just a couple of mornings ago deciding, “No. I don’t want a patriarchal wedding”.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against weddings. In fact, at some point in my childhood, I remember aspiring that my wedding day be the happiest day of my life. I would be in a nice flowy white gown. Veil over my head. Perfect hair. Perfect smiles. Tons of picture perfect moments.

Yet, when I think deeper into the details of a conventional wedding, the whole idea seems so wrong to me.

As it is, the whole enterprise of marriage and wedding is a patriarchal construct. After all, the only reason why people came up with marital legal bindings is for the sake of inheritance: children adopting father’s surnames, father’s dialect group, and property (though inheritance of property can be negotiated in many instances). That leaves weddings to be merely a symbolic rite of passage for marriage.

To give an example, thmarriage2ere are many parts to Chinese (Teochew/Hokkien/Cantonese/Hakka) traditional weddings that directly relate to patriarchy. Central to this is that a woman’s body does not belong to her but always belongs to someone else. Let’s look at some features of the customs.

The most obvious is through the brideprice – the name says it all. This refers to money in red packets that the groom’s family has to give to the bride’s family. Literally speaking, her body is now sold to the groom’s family.

Then we have the infamous morning of gate-crashing. This involves absurd tasks that the groom and his entourage must fulfil in order to prove his worth and masculinity before he can redeem his wife. All this happens as the wife sits passively in her room.

Finally, Chinese weddings similarly have the segment where the wife walks down the aisle with her father who later “gives her away” to the groom. Is this not the literal passing down of ownership of her body from her father to her husband? It is as if her father (not mother, of course) owns her body in the parental home and her body is later passed on to her husband, who would own her in her second domestic sphere.

 

marriageAfter all that’s been said and done, I do want to get married because I want to spend the rest of my life with my loved one, and because of the social and legal recognition that the institution of marriage brings.

However, there must be some ways to make this entire enterprise less patriarchal. And recognising that the existing order is demeaning to women is the first step.

Ultimately, what makes a feminist and egalitarian wedding is a personal choice. For some, it could be passing down the surnames of both husband and wife. For others, it could be through changing the phrase “man and wife” to “husband and wife”. For the Chinese, it could also be altering the gate-crashing procedure to a fun game that both bride and groom will have to play to get to each other. While walking down the aisle, both bride and groom can walk down the aisle together. Not only is this a much less awkward and nerve-wrecking process for both parties, it’s also an egalitarian one!

The adjustments are literally endless. Whatever the changes made, a feminist and egalitarian wedding is one in which choices made support the woman in the wedding and that the woman’s body is valued.

You might think that whatever happens in your engagement, wedding or marriage don’t have much impact on the advancement of women’s rights. But surely, having symbolic rites that represent a woman’s ownership and control of her own body does speak volumes about how a woman or girl should be treated in society.

estelleAbout the Author: Living by the motto permanent impermanence, Estelle realises that with every moment never capable of repeating itself, life is simply too short to be spent waiting for things to happen. She is currently a Sociology undergraduate who believes that the power of words and the arts can inspire conversations.

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What Suffragette meant to me

Written by Estelle Ng, Change Maker

(This post contains spoilers for the movie Suffragette)

MakeMoreNoise2Opened in cinemas early this year, the film Suffragette depicted the beginnings of the suffrage movement in the UK – a pursuit of women’s voting rights. Set in the early 1920s, the film illustrated how women were considered less important than men and as a result, their voices were invalidated and disregarded. Granted, the fight for women’s voting rights was an arduous one. Having conducted peaceful demonstrations and submitted parliamentary testimonies, voices of the working class women were ignored time and time again. This left these women with no choice but to resort to violence – a language that man at that time presumably only considered seriously. After a series of violent destruction of public and private property and consequently numerous jail terms for the women involved, the film ended with the death of Emily Davison which attracted so much international attention that the King had to address. Historical records reveal that British women were granted voting rights in 1928.

Scene-from-SuffragetteAdmittedly, I only knew about the word “suffrage” through this film, and that only goes to show how much I have taken the suffrage movement for granted. From a young Singaporean woman’s point of view, this movement seems at first glance to be a distant one. Unlike the UK, there was no suffrage movement in Singapore because we have been practising universal suffrage since the start of democratic elections in 1947. Women are not banned from running for the elections and standing in parliament, though only one of the full ministers in the current parliament is female.

Yet, one only needs to search on Google to realise that in this time and age, women in other parts of the world only recently received the right to vote and the right to run for elections.

54bf34caf792ec66a6435815ae4f48e8In actuality, the suffrage movement relates to something close and relevant to societies today. Suffrage reflects merely one aspect of gender equality. Women around the world, Singapore included, are still fighting in many ways to be treated as equals. The gender gaps still exists in Singapore. Another case in point: Have you been shut off from a discussion just because you don’t serve in the army or just because you menstruate? Gender discrimination in Singapore is real and it is very much alive in everyday discourse. This rhetoric is also reinforced and legitimated insofar as the constitutional right to non-discrimination assured by Article 12 does not extend to categories such as “gender” and “sex”.

So, what does the movie Suffragette mean to me?

Though not an entirely accurate portrayal of the actual events that happened, the movie symbolised the strength that women have. I believe that women today have the power and capability to champion for gender equality. Gender equality does seem like a utopian and idealistic concept that no one can singlehandedly achieve. However, let us remember that as with any movement, this fight for gender equality begins with the individual. Be it debunking stereotypes about what women and men ought to do in everyday conversations with friends, or through writing letters to the parliament to amend legislature, every individual has a part to play.

The movie also made me realise how championing for gender equality is also men’s responsibility because gender discrimination affects men too. The limiting binary oppositions that demarcates the boundaries between what men and women can do affects men too because not every man wants to conform to these boundaries. Think about it: Gender discrimination benefits no one but the elite and gender-conforming  men of society.

As we enter the post-SG50 era, let us remember that the war against gender inequality today may differ from the suffrage movement of the early 1920s, but it doesn’t mean that the war is over.

estelleAbout the Author: Living by the motto permanent impermanence, Estelle realises that with every moment never capable of repeating itself, life is simply too short to be spent waiting for things to happen. She is currently a Sociology undergraduate who believes that the power of words and the arts can inspire conversations.

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Single mothers are mothers too

Written by Estelle Ng, Change Maker

motherIn a commentary written by local journalist Kirsten Han, she observed that even though we live in a society whereby in situations where domestic violence and familial abuse occur, some of us are more concerned about “how a family is defined” rather than the “actual hurt that a person is suffering”. What does she mean by this?

In the eyes of the state, its institutions and “mainstream society”, a nuclear family is defined as one that comprises a father, a mother, one or more children, preferably living with grandparents. Each parent has an assigned role based on gender stereotypes about the responsibilities of man and woman: women are compelled to be primarily responsible for child-rearing due to their supposed “nurturing nature” while men are responsible for providing for the family by bringing home the bacon.

The implications of such gender stereotypes are that more often than not, women have to bear the brunt of preserving the familial unit especially in terms of bringing up the children, whether they are married or single.

Returning to the statement by Kirsten, she means that in this pro-family country, help and protection are selectively given to deserving families, families who fit into the prescribed, “normal” arrangement.

One of the most obvious ways of defining family in this country is to define the types of relationships that are deserving enough for stable housing and for building a household.

When a single mother wants to buy a HDB flat, she cannot apply for a BTO flat nor can she apply for a three-room flat because she does not have a legal spouse. For mothers who had sacrificed their careers to become stay-home-mothers and had solely relied on their ex-husbands/partners as sole breadwinners, the struggle to build a new home as a single mother is a gruelling one. And she does not get the support she needs just because her familial relationship does not fall into the prescribed ideal.

It is high time we realise that reality is less straightforward than this ideal.

Let’s talk about single mothers and their families.

Mothers

In the society we live in, parenthood is hierarchically organised according to gender and marital status, and we see this in policies such as the differentiated parental leaves. By codifying such sentiments, we seem to take for granted that all parents, regardless of gender, sexuality and marital status are parents too. From changing diapers, feeding the family, to providing guidance by inculcating values and skills to children, the list of direct and indirect childrearing and family maintenance goes on.

There are many reasons why some mothers choose to be or end up as single mothers. Apart from the preconceived stereotype that all single mothers are single because they engage in unprotected pre-marital sex, single motherhood can be a reality as a result of a divorce, a death of a spouse, or even a choice to not get married but still want to be a mother. It is definitely time to recognise and acknowledge that there is a variety of motherhood experiences – one that knows no boundaries and one that accepts all mothers as mothers, all parents as parents in their own right.

Children

o-SINGLE-MOM-facebookI remember a friend in her late forties commenting:

“Being a daughter of a single mother, I am sensitive to topics about the injustices that single parents face because I have personal experience of that. However, we must not forget about the experiences of their children too.”

Currently, children of single mothers are considered illegitimate because they are so defined by Chapter 162 Legitimacy Act of our legislation. Our legislation has far-reaching consequences, and they include the prospect of single mothers investing at least $3000 on adopting their own child to make him/her legitimate. Yet, there is no guarantee that adoption of their biological child will be successful. Not only does the label of illegitimacy serve to fuel the existing stigma that single mother families face, the experiences of children from single mother families are invalidated and silenced.

In sum, the issue of single mothers does not only affect mothers themselves but has impacts on their children. Acknowledging the presence and validity of single motherhood does not and will not breed a society of single mothers because whether a mother decides to get a marriage certificate or leave the marriage is a personal choice to begin with. No one should be punished for wanting to have children or starting a family without always being legally married to someone else.

When we say we want to build a caring, gracious and inclusive society, we can start by acknowledging every person’s right to make a personal choice and accept that there will be a plurality of parenting, parenthood and motherhood in Singapore.

“Women are raising the next generation of children. These women are expected to be strong as well in order not to transfer the angst to their children. If they do not get support from society at large, it’s going to affect the next generation.” – J, single mother since 2009

 

estelle About the Author: Living by the motto permanent impermanence, Estelle realises that with every moment never capable of repeating itself, life is simply too short to be spent waiting for things to happen. She is currently a Sociology undergraduate who believes that the power of words and the arts can inspire conversations.

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When to speak out

Written by Aparna Menon, Change Maker

aparna2My first month of work, three years ago, was a traumatic one. After years of avoiding the shipping career, I inevitably ended up signing up for it due to financial pressures. While I can never relay in full detail the turbulent weeks of my first experience in the workforce, one incident stands out.

My supervisor was assigned to show me the ropes in the beginning. While I cannot deny his helpfulness, I also cannot condone his views. As weeks progressed, I started to learn more about him, mostly because he openly expressed his opinions. I appreciate candidness and honesty, and so this was refreshing. I listened with intrigue as he explained my job and responsibilities. Then one day he turned to me and told me that women should never be in power. I was taken aback.

That afternoon I heard more comments, such as ‘women cannot understand as much as men can’, ‘women should never be in politics’ and ‘men should protect women because they are weak and insecure’. Those comments were abhorrent and I felt I couldn’t respond as much as I wanted to. I listened in captivation and I interjected feebly with quiet comments about feminism and examples of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, a female leader in politics.

aparna2My supervisor had three daughters. I was heartbroken to realise that these girls would be raised with the belief that they could not achieve their dreams because of the stigma attached to being a woman.

I used to believe that women’s rights (or women’s empowerment) was a redundant topic, something not worth mentioning. This is not because I disagreed with it, but because I assumed that equality of men and women had already been achieved, at least in the developed world. In the developed world where children are supposedly educated to understand that regardless of race, gender or religion, they are all human beings and should be treated as such. I now realise how much more work still needs to be done.

How can we achieve equality? Educate yourself and educate the people around you. We cannot progress, learn, impact and effect change unless we ourselves have the knowledge. If you find yourself in a situation in which you believe that a woman is unjustly viewed or denied privileges, your education is the tool that can make a difference. Three years ago, my fear of my career being taken away from me stopped me from speaking out. I will make sure that it does not happen again.

aparna3About the author: Aparna is a passionate advocate of international development and education.  She hopes to pursue it full-time. She believes writing is one outlet to express opinions on these topics and highlight the issues of today.

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GE2015: Gender Equality ‘Fails’

Written by Sumithri Venketasubramanian, Change Maker

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 2.44.18 pmIf you have been following the coverage on Singapore’s General Elections this year, you’ll find that some things don’t sit well, if at all, on the spectrum of gender equality.

For one, the visibility of women as leaders is low in most fields, and politics is no exception. Some might wonder why it’s important to have gender representation – men can take into account women’s views, can’t they? Sure, but not with as much detail and understanding, because they haven’t had the same experiences.

The concerns with regard to issues that tend to affect women more (such as caregiving, single-parent families, and job security) can only be comprehensively addressed if women themselves are able to make those decisions, because they’ll be able to relate to and critically analyse the situation in accordance to their own experiences and views. Women’s voice in parliament should come from, well, women.

Representation of women in politics

Unfortunately, the way that we talk about women who do get into politics does no justice to their effort and service. You may be familiar with the recent incident where National Solidarity Party candidate for MacPherson Single-Member Constituency, Mr Cheo Chai Chen, claimed that People’s Action Party rival, Ms Tin Pei Ling’s motherhood was a “weakness”. Comments like this sends the message that politics is not for mothers, or women at all for that matter.

Female candidates and members of parliament are constantly under scrutiny by the media for matters that have nothing to do with their contributions to Singaporean politics. They’re asked why they’re not married, and if they have any plans to do so. Their family-work balance is questioned significantly more than their male counterparts. They’re seen as mothers, daughters, sisters who happen to be politicians, rather than politicians who happen to be women. 

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 2.45.12 pmThis treatment of women in the media isn’t exclusive to the field of politics. We see it everywhere, from an established businesswoman (who’s also in politics) being introduced as a “mother-of-two” to sportswomen’s “wardrobe malfunctions” being broadcast to the world in a matter of seconds after they happen. These subtly sexist questions directed at female politicians imply that politics is not for women, unless they want to be questioned about their previous “unprofessional” jobs and/or actions, appearance and personal choices. This unhealthy obsession which the media seems to have only builds on gender roles and stereotypes that we’re hoping to rid our society of.

Politicians are public figures. When international conferences are held, they represent our people. When problems arise, they’re the ones who come forward in an effort to help the situation. When Singaporeans think of national leaders, they see them. By having such few women in the government and within political parties, it sends the message that politics is a men’s game and only a few lucky women might have the opportunity to play too. It propagates the notion of women having to behave “like men” in order to succeed. It says that men are the ultimate decision makers on the national scale, and women only have a small role in such an important task. It tells young girls that their brothers and male friends probably have a higher chance of being leaders in the future. (And it doesn’t really help that women – already rare in the political realm – are pitted against one another, courtesy of the media.) 

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 2.47.55 pmWhat changes do we want to see?

So, politics definitely needs a feminist overhaul. There needs to be significantly more effort on the part of political parties to include women among their candidates – AWARE recommends at least 30% of candidates to be women, for a start. Currently, the closest any party has come to this is the Singapore Democratic Party, at 27%. Some parties (ahem, the Singapore Democratic Alliance and the Singaporeans First Party) don’t even have any women among them. Some complain that there’s something of a “gender quota” – bordering on tokenism – when candidates are picked, but as mentioned, it is an important measure to give women their voice in parliament – at least until greater gender equality is seen in politics. (Image source)

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 2.46.48 pmThe media, which greatly influences the way that people are perceived, should play their part and actively shift the conversation away from unrelated matters back to the equally-exciting game that these women are playing: politics. There is so much that women have to offer in politics; perspectives that may have never been considered will start getting recognised in parliament and by the public, potentially changing the political atmosphere of Singapore. And seeing as newspapers, television and online news websites provide coverage of politics and news, they’re instrumental in making a difference in the way that female politicians – and women’s issues – are perceived.

Women in Singapore politics have come a long way from being practically non-existent decades ago, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.

About the Author: Sumithri is a passive-aggressive activist who enjoys writing lengthy blog posts on some of the many issues faced in the world. She’s still trying to figure out which of the many social injustices to dedicate her life fighting against, but whatever it is, will contribute the best she can.

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Boys will be boys: Five perspectives on manhood

Written by Change Makers, as part of our “What does being a man mean to you?” blog series. Submit your responses to [email protected]!

4ee5c8fa73c9ed50e09669eda7481766When I was younger, my parents used to tell me to stop crying whenever I cried, the sole reason being that I was a boy. At my kindergarten, children were treated differently based on gender. Even at that age, I felt a distinct sense of unease. Being a child who was not as raucous and outgoing as most other boys, I often felt like I did not belong. In one incident that I remember, I wore my sister’s old shoes to school as my usual pair was damaged. The shoes was mostly white, but had a pink lining. Almost immediately, a boy inquired about the reason for my wearing “pink-coloured shoes”.

I was also often told that I had to get a well-paying job because I would be a man in the future. I’m sure most people have had similar experiences being judged by others. Ironically, it is often family that enforces gender norms most harshly, causing conflict and anguish.

Why can’t people, regardless of gender, be looked upon as what they are – people?

In my view, things are improving. But there is still a lot to be done, and it starts with every single person.

– Chin Jia Yi

2086479_manliness_jpeg44eb71191e545dedf378e9a7121db56cHow many times have you ever been told to “be a man” or to “man up”? Being a man in today’s society entails being strong, independent and successful. Being a man to me has always simply been being of the male sex but to some it means so much more. People expect men to be leaders. Advertisements everywhere teach us from a very young age what the ‘ideal man’ should look like. Pictures of muscled men with six-pack abs are all too common on fashion magazines and billboards. An ideal man has defined muscles and rugged good looks.

However, the reality remains that some men are unable to conform to these expectations. There is more to being a man than being strong, dominant and emotionless. I have experienced first-hand many of my peers trying to fit in, constantly feeling insecure about themselves. Why do we have to behave and look just like everyone else?

– Aahan Gopinath Achar 

I do not try to change what other people think of me regarding my gender. I do not care unless it negatively affects my relationships with others, nor do I try to preach my views every time someone made an offhand remark. It is not worth the effort and usually fails anyway, so it is not worth the trouble. But if someone else feels upset because of an inappropriate comment, I will readily speak up against gender stereotyping and take a stand.

– Nguyen Nhat Minh

On countless occasions, I am told to “man up”, to not show weakness. I think people who say that are hypocrites who twist the truth of manhood to fit their warped idea of who they think a man should be. There is no single definition of man no matter how hard we think, agonize and struggle over this abstract concept. So then why do we continue to impose these gender roles on others?

– Joshua Sum

There is societal pressure for men to put on a strong front in spite of hardship, reinforcing a pretty but false picture where men are more rational than women simply because they are men. I still remember when crying in school was looked down upon, since “boys don’t cry”. When men show vulnerability among their peers, they are subject to judgment. I just happen to be male. If expressing human emotion is only natural, why is there a double standard?

– Muhammad Syazwan Bin Ramli

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“Those are the real problems.”

Written by Kimberly Jow, Change Maker

A common, almost ubiquitous comment in my social circle with reference to talks about feminism are stories about women in other countries who face brutal violence, followed by the words, “those are the real problems”, with the word “real” expertly italicised in real life.

First World Feminism.jpegI understand where this is coming from. They acknowledge the problems faced by other women in countries who seem to “need it more”, and apparently nobly recognises their privilege. The small problems we face here, rape threats on Twitter, stereotypes – they don’t hold a candle to the many girls being forced into child marriages, or the honor killing of women. What about those problems? Those are the real problems.

This “those are the real problems” argument, aside from the time taken to type it, is troublesome in and of itself. First off, it is dismissive of the problems faced by women in a first-world society. That argument essentially says that certain problems don’t matter because they are not all of the same magnitude.

Why do women have to have a constant fear of death before their concerns can be validated? Problems faced by women in the first-world continue to remain relevant. The oppressive structure does not get a free pass for its actions just because other people have it worse. Anyone using the hashtag “#FirstWorldProblems” have perhaps felt silly for complaining about their daily minor inconveniences, but there is generally no expectation for them to act like they suffer the same as those, for example, below the poverty line. One may expect them to feel empathy and help out, but not live according to the standards of everyone who has had it worse than they have.

Secondly, the “those are the real problems (TATRP, for the tired typist)” argument, derails the fight for equality in first-world societies, which is a problematic move.

For many people of my social circle, the “TATRP” argument and those of its ilk are commonly used to rebut discussions of feminism. The purpose appears to be to guilt trip women into not speaking out about their struggles. Even if it were unintended, the fact remains that a conversation like this will either be derailed or avoided. This affects everyone’s ability to understand the experiences of each gender, thus impeding our progress towards equality.

Tank top VS acidAt the risk of simplifying the issue, I would appeal to the users of the “TATRP” argument to stop. By using victims of violence to silence feminists, you are using real people, with real experiences and emotions as a tool, an object to get your way. They may not directly experience your flippant cruelty, but it shuts down any form of viable discussion with members of your own society. I understand that it may not have been your intent, but I would ask that you hesitate before you adopt a “TATRP” tone; devaluing one’s struggles does not help alleviate the other.

Such comments could have been said to express helplessness at the many anti-women outages all over the world. In which case I would recommend a donation at https://www.globalfundforwomen.org/, and encourage you to rest assured that we can still help to improve the world.

About the Author: Kimberly is a somewhat ambitious NUS undergraduate who has always dreamed of writing her own About the Author section. She retains much hope for eventual equality, and is willing to fight the currents to get there.