Tag: gender roles

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A Parent Making Change

The We Can! team spoke to Norliza Hamidon, a passionate Change Maker and parent to 13 year-old Irfan, on her approach to parenting and engaging her son on gender issues.
By Ashley Tan.

As children grow up in a heavily gendered world, it seems almost unavoidable that their perception of body and self be constantly skewed with unrealistic and unhealthy ideals normalized in popular media. From early on, children are exposed to gender roles, norms and the unequal power men and women have in society. From the toys and clothes that many children are given, to the playmates and extracurricular activities their parents choose for them, children are put in a certain mould based on their assigned gender at birth.

10403930_775856025778020_4532904083281234053_oParenting has one of the most powerful roles to play in the ideas children develop about themselves and the world around them. Conscious, gender-neutral parenting can help children reject damaging notions about gender and instead explore their own individuality. Actively teaching gender equality to children from a young age, demonstrating equal relationships and educating them on gender diversity and consent can go a long way in shaping children’s perspectives.

Creating a safe space at home where they can ask questions about their body or discuss the messages they come across in the media or outside of the home can also help children form healthy attitudes about gender and become agents of change.

The We Can! team spoke to Norliza Hamidon, a passionate Change Maker and parent to 13 year-old Irfan, on her approach to parenting and engaging her son on gender issues.

“I share with him articles about discrimination faced by women and lead conversations about different gender issues,” she says.

She reminds him particularly of the importance of respecting girls and women, as she is concerned about the prevalent notions of masculinity that teach aggression and trivialise women’s roles and voices.

Norliza thinks parenting can play a crucial role in reducing bullying and overcoming gender stereotypes.

“If adult role models display positive attitudes and actions, such socially-aware behaviour will naturally translate to youth and children,” she says.

Her son, Irfan, 13, recently attended a Youth Change Maker workshop upon his mother’s encouragement. He contributed to our conversation and showed a sensitivity to gender issues and violence that surprised us, for a boy his age.

“Boys don’t always need to be masculine and ‘tough’. Muscles only show that you are physically strong but you might not be mentally or emotionally strong. Boys can also do housework and roles should not be decided by gender.”

Gender divisions and the disproportionate violence that women and girls face are glaring to Irfan. Still, he has hopes for his generation, and suggests that learning about harmful attitudes early can help eliminate the gender gap.

We were inspired by Norliza’s efforts to show Irfan he can make a difference. She encourages Irfan to stand up for his friends who might be bullied in school and calls him out when he exhibits discriminatory attitudes. She asserts that “it is better to stand up for what is right than be silent.”

Norliza recounts a time when she was disappointed in Irfan for refusing to include a particular girl in his circle of friends because she was “fat”. Through talking about it openly, she managed to get him to see how such behaviour was unfair and hurtful. She probed him to be more accepting of people’s differences, whether in appearance or otherwise.

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Norliza notes that it is challenging to ensure children develop healthy, inclusive and gender-equal views because of the many competing influences in society, many of which work to reinforce sexist attitudes and behaviours.

When asked what she would like to see in society, Norliza envisions “a society of men and women respecting each other, working with each other, having equal opportunities, roles and incomes; a violence-free society”.

Norliza and Irfan have each other on their journey towards eliminating prejudice and violence in their own lives and influencing others around them to do the same. They choose to have honest conversations about change rather accepting things as they are.

We hope that sharing their story will encourage other parents and families to think about everyday actions they can take to promote gender equality in the home and outside of it.

If you would like to share your story with us, write to [email protected].

A big thank you to Norliza and Irfan for taking the time to talk to us!

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Letter to my Unborn Child

A fictional letter from a fictional parent to their fictional unborn child about growing up in a gendered world. By Kokila Annamalai, We Can! Coordinator and Chelsea Jones, Change Maker.

Dear Baby,

I’m excited to meet you.

I can’t wait to read to you, to bring you to parks (will you share my fear of bees?) and to see you grow up. I can’t wait to see all the ways in which you’ll change and learn as you grow. Maybe you’ll like drawing or have a great singing voice, maybe you’ll build rockets in your room, and maybe you’ll work out IKEA diagrams better than I can. Maybe you’ll be all of this at the same time, or something completely different. I can’t wait to find out.

Want to hear something funny? Everyone wants to know if you’re a boy or a girl. They say they need to know so that they can choose an appropriate gift, and get a better sense of what to expect when you come into the world. They think your gender is a very big part of you, and of their relationship with you.

But I’m not telling them, because I don’t want to encourage their assumptions. I don’t want them to decide what you should be like, or feel a certain way about you, before you get a chance to show them.

Once you’re born, many of them will look at whether you have a penis or a vagina and come to many conclusions about you and your future. (Yes, I know it sounds crazy. And what if you don’t have the kind of penis or vagina they expect, or you have both? Some babies are born intersexed, you know.)

I’ll try to encourage them to stay open, to wait patiently and learn from you instead. I know you will teach us all many things, if we let you. I promise to be a good student, to watch closely and listen keenly. I will pay attention to your laughter and your cries, and to the twinkle in your eyes, and gather as much information as I can about your needs and preferences.

As you grow older, you will realise that people will treat you differently based on your gender. They will give you different toys, ask you different questions and (dis)allow you to do different things. Most of these people don’t mean to limit you. Many of them probably love you and want the best for you. They just think about the world a certain way, and are eager to teach you about that world.

But my love, I want to tell you that you can change the world. When people tell you what you can or cannot do, who you can or cannot be, I hope you won’t listen. Instead, listen to yourself, to your body, to your heart. Seek your happiness wherever it may be.

Dress the way you fancy, study whatever you like in school, read the books that fascinate you and do the sports and arts that excite you. Love whomever you will.

Know that you don’t have to be the same always. As you grow, you might change in unexpected ways. That’s fine. You might not want the same things anymore. That’s fine too.

I know that you will always know best. And I will stay right here, while you discover the world and yourself, all at once. I will stay, so you can come back with questions and confusions. I will stay till you find answers and clarity.

I will tell you about all the beautiful things in the world, as well as the inequality, injustice and pain in it. I will tell you stories of how people have tried to make things better, and how they continue to try, so that you know it can change. I will talk to you about my strengths and my struggles, so you know it is okay to have both. I will let you see my vulnerability, so you know you don’t have to hide yours. I will share my experiences without expecting you to follow the paths I have.

When you’re little, I will try to protect you from the people who might hurt you for the choices you make. As you get older, I will teach you to protect yourself from them. I will tell you every day that I love you in all of your selves, so that if someone tries to tell you to be different, you’ll know they’re wrong.

I will try my best to help you ignore the “shoulds” and “musts” that society is likely to impose on you.

I will share my safe spaces with you and get everyone I love involved in the work of loving you, so that you always have a community of people who validate you and affirm your choices. I will open my arms and our home to everyone you love and respect, so that this community grows bigger.

While I want you to be yourself in every way, I do have some hopes for you.

When you meet people who are different from you, I hope you will show them acceptance and respect. When you lead, I hope you will be inclusive. When you follow, I hope you will be of independent mind. When you make decisions, I hope they are honest.

When you get to know someone, I hope that you respect their boundaries and draw your own. When you form relationships, I hope they are equal. When you love, I hope it will be without shame.

When you cry, I hope it is never because someone made you feel inadequate. When you get angry, I hope it is frequently at injustice.

When you see someone getting hurt, I hope you will step in after making sure it is safe to do so. (Otherwise, call me!) When you see someone stand up for what’s right, I hope you will stand with them.

When someone in your life is abusive or oppressive, I hope you will know that it is okay to walk away.

You won’t be born into a perfect world but I hope you will always have safe spaces where you can seek comfort, understanding and recuperation.

I hope you will always be at home with yourself.

Till we meet, and with lots of love already,
Me!

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SHATTER- We Can! Singapore’s Youth Year Launch

Youth at the event came up with different gender stereotypes they'd like to break. Warning: images in this mirror might be distorted by socially constructed notions of beauty.
The SHATTER Sculpture was the centrepiece of the whole event. A compilation of stereotypes the youth reject, written on pieces of reflective paper, the SHATTER Sculpture is a symbol of youth shattering gender stereotypes that they face in daily life. These stereotypes include those related to body image, domestic roles, women in academia, as well as masculinity and sexuality.
 

One of the events we were most excited about this year was SHATTER, our launch event for the start of our Youth Year. SHATTER was held at the beginning of June at our partner venue, *SCAPE, and aimed to promote an inclusive youth culture through the celebration of individuality and the right to be free from shame, discrimination, bullying and violence. The event focused on shattering gender stereotypes that youth face in daily life, with various activities and performances to bring this message home.

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We had 200 youth coming by our booths and watching the speeches and performances at *Scape.
 
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Throughout the day, about 200 people participated in SHATTER, taking part in our community art booths, watching local musicians use their art to speak up against violence and youth speaking out and sharing stories of their personal experiences with bullying, shaming and violence. The name of the event centred on our SHATTER sculpture, a broken ‘mirror’ that we constructed with shards that we invited people to write on. Each shard carried a stereotype that they wanted to break. Other booths involved T-shirt stencilling and body painting with empowering slogans, a photo booth which invited free gender expression and graffiti walls marked with colourful handprints! We were also enthralled by the stories and music that was shared on the day. There was a great feeling of support and a sense of community which moved us tremendously.

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We had 200 youths coming by our booths and watching the speeches and performances at *Scape.
 
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We believe hearing the perspectives of those who came forward to share the challenges they faced as young people (such as cyber bullying, body shaming and dating violence) prompted other youth in the audience to think differently about how they view themselves and others. We hope that SHATTER got you thinking about what you can do to break out of restrictions that society places on all of us, and how you can help others be free to be themselves.

Both UN Women and SlutWalk Singapore had a booth at our event! It’s always nice to have allies.
Learn more about UN Women here: http://unwomen-nc.org.sg/
and SlutWalk here: http://slutwalksg.com/about/

Want to check out more photos from the event? Click here to go through our Photo Gallery!

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Mass masculinity: Society, stereotypes and self-identity

by Lim Wei Klinsmann, Change Maker

Ask anyone what qualities are ideal in a man, and you’re likely to get the same answer repeatedly: confident, chivalrous, muscular, intelligent, rich. Every man – regardless of his personality, preferences or culture – is expected by mainstream society to meet this ideal of masculinity.

Those who do not are often deemed inferior for their inability or unwillingness to act out this very narrow set of personal characteristics.

I have always wondered if the people who mock those who do not conform to these expectations realise how oppressive their actions are.

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My personal guess is that a very small proportion of the men in society naturally fulfils society’s requirement for “a real man”. As for the rest, the gap between who they are and who society expects them to be results in, at best, internal conflict, and at worst, being ridiculed and outcast by others.

It is no doubt difficult to endure ridicule or be ostracised for not ‘fitting in’. However, it’s equally difficult to pretend to be who we are not, everyday. Everyone makes different decisions when struggling with this dilemma, and experiences different consequences.

Personally, for me, there was a lot of controversy that I had to put up with when coming to terms this ‘masculine ideal’.

When I entered secondary school, I was a skinny, soft-spoken and shy boy who found it extremely difficult to befriend anyone. This made me a target for physical and psychological bullying. People would point out how I wasn’t as well-built as other guys, how I was not supposed to be flamboyant, and I was mocked for not “being a man”.

This constant barrage of reminders that I was not good enough made me question my own identity and left me at a loss. I felt helpless and worthless because I was only accepted by a handful of people, and ostracised by the majority.

Despite this, throughout my 4 years in secondary school, I never regretted being the way I was. While the bullying I faced in school was painful, the idea of being false to myself just so I could be like everyone else felt even worse. When I saw my other friends acting in stereotypically macho ways, it seemed clear to me that the behaviour was fake.

Even today, I still get the occasional comment about how I dress and carry myself. But I have come to embrace the fact that I am different. Yes, it would have been a lot easier to just give in and be like everyone else – I could have conformed to keeping up a stereotypical appearance of being ‘a real man’. But that would not have been me.

My hope is that people will eventually realise that there is no one ideal for what one half of the world’s population should be like, and always challenge this idea. It is to our collective benefit to work towards destroying the stereotypes that society holds over everyone’s heads, and instead, celebrate the unique, infinitely interesting things that make each individual special.

With that, I pose one final question to you:

“Who are you going to be?”

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I SURVIVED VIOLENCE

Rachel Chung is a We Can! Change Maker, volunteer and spokesperson. Rachel speaks publicly about her experience to show support to victims and challenge the social attitudes that silence them. by Rachel Chung, Change Maker

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At first it was verbal: insults, accusations, mockery. After our first child was born, he sniped at me about my weight gain. When I said he was insensitive, he retaliated with a vicious barrage of Hokkien vulgarities.

This continued whenever I “stepped out of line”. I downplayed it at first. But when his verbal admonishments were not keeping me “in rein”, he started shoving me. It got worse – slapping, punching – especially when I earned more than he did. The abuse eventually got so bad that I ended up in the hospital.

Turning to Family

My in-laws were very traditional. They saw the husband as head of the household. My ex mother-in-law advised me to “not answer back”. His siblings also chose to ignore the “embarrassment”. At a family dinner they ignored my bruises,and instead talked about their business and recent holiday to London.

My family encouraged me to divorce him, but they did not offer to let my children and I move in with them. Without that assurance, I felt so insecure, like I was left all alone to fend for my children and myself.

“But Think of the Children!”

Many pressures bind women to violent relationships. Her partner might manipulate her into thinking she is inadequate and worthless; without support from family, friends and society, it is difficult to find the confidence to leave.

Financially, leaving can have serious consequences on the victim and her family, especially if her partner controls her finances or jeopardises her employment. Moreover, the stigma of being a divorcee remains strong in our society.

I faced some of this. Some church members felt I should stay “as long as the kids are not touched”. This made me feel ignored and dehumanised. It wasn’t in the children’s best interests either. What about the trauma it caused them to witness violence at home, or the risk to their safety? The breaking point came one night when my daughter, awakened by the noise of our fighting, came to my defence. He shoved her away. I fought back, and later filed for divorce.

Leaving: New Battles and New Beginnings

The damage to my morale and self-worth from the emotional abuse I had endured was no less harmful than the physical injuries. Violence isn’t always visible. It isn’t always black and blue. We need to recognise and reject all forms of violence around us.

Some women feel ashamed. I’ve been through it. “Was I abused because I wasn’t good enough as a woman or a wife?” Gender biases in families and society perpetuate these beliefs, and we internalise them. We feel like we somehow, “asked for it.”

But it is not our fault. We did not bring this upon ourselves, and I refuse to feel guilty or embarrassed. I want to get this message to abused women out there: it is not your fault and you should not be ashamed in any way.

 More resources on seeking help can be found here.

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Conformity ≠ cool. Are you ready to SHATTER gender stereotypes?

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Come celebrate individuality and the freedom to be you. SHATTER will feature local artists, performers and youth who are sharing personal stories of how gender stereotypes, stigma and violence affect their lives. They’re speaking up, taking a stand, breaking the box. Are you? Whoever you are, if you’re coming, come as yourself.

When? 7th June 2014 | 3.00pm – 8.00pm

Where? *SCAPE

See you there!

Programme outline

3pm – 8pm: Activity booths with community art
5pm – 8pm: Music, skits and story sessions

About We Can! Youth

We Can! Youth is the Singapore campaign’s special focus in 2014. This year, we hope to get more youth involved in taking a stand against gender-based violence in their everyday lives.

We are reaching out to young Change Makers, affirming their personal choices regarding gender and sexuality, encouraging inclusivity and starting conversations on sexual consent, rights and healthy dating relationships. Youth Change Makers are young people committed to making positive social change in their communities. Through their actions, they can help make schools, cyberspace and social events safe spaces for young people regardless of their gender or sexual expression.

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Open call for artists & speakers: SHATTER!

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We Can! Youth is the Singapore campaign’s special focus in 2014. This year, we hope to get a larger number of youth involved in taking a stand against gender-based violence in their everyday lives, and reach out to as many youth Change Makers – young people committed to making positive change in their communities – as possible!

If you are as excited about this as we are, contact us now! We’d like to feature youths from the community at SHATTER, our flagship event this coming June.

Event details
7 June 2014 | Saturday
3pm – 8pm
*SCAPE (2 Orchard Link)

Speakers

Are you a young person aged 13-25 with a story to share about how gender stereotypes, stigma and violence have affected your life? If you would like to tell your story at SHATTER, write to us at [email protected].

Artists & community groups

SHATTER hopes to give you an opportunity to inspire young people with your craft. If you are an artist or performer who is keen to support this event and take a stand against gender-based violence, write to us at [email protected].

We are inviting groups who are passionate about gender issues and changing societal attitudes that tolerate violence. If you are keen to encourage dialogue and action amongst Singapore’s youth community, do come and share your work and views at SHATTER. If you would like to put up a booth or participate in the event in any other way, please write to us at [email protected].

We look forward to hearing from you!

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Oppressed Majority

In Majorite Opprimee's alternate reality, the protagonist faces gender-based aggression in all aspects of his everyday life.

by Marylyn Tan, Change Maker

What happens when the patriarchy is turned on its head? Watched the French film, Majorité Opprimée (Oppressed Majority), and you’ll get a glimpse of it. The ten-minute film went viral earlier this year, despite having come out a few years before—perhaps because feminist issues are becoming ever more relevant, especially in Europe, where abortion rights and laws regarding homosexuality have ‘taken a turn for the worse’, according to the film’s creator, Eleonore Pourriat. Majorité Opprimée may have inspired the recent slew—good or bad—of gender role reversals in the media, such as that horrendously sexist Veet advertising campaign which exhorts women not to ‘risk dudeness’.

More encouragingly, however, the role-reversal trend has also been used to illustrate the problems with the way women are portrayed in audio-visual media—such as in the photoset, ‘seDUCATIve vs. MANigale’, in which one motorcycle company parodies another’s traditional ‘model in sexually-provocative poses with equally attractive vehicle’ ad campaign by replacing the women with men. Even Jennifer Lopez’s latest single, I Luh Ya Papi, explicitly lashes out against exploitative differences in marketing male and female artistes in the music industry. What I find so powerful about Majorité Opprimée, however, is the incisive, stark fashion in which little everyday instances of gender violence are depicted.

The film isn’t meant to be wholly realistic—most films aren’t—but it does set its sights on portraying a wide slew of behaviours (all within ten minutes!) that both men and women engage in that foster a narrative of violence in everyday interactions. Unknowingly, unconsciously, we have all probably been party to reinforcing sexist attitudes at some point. The film is set in an unnamed French town where it is almost immediately—though subtly—established that the women are in charge. This is a vision of a matriarchal society, and our protagonist, Pierre, illustrates this most starkly in his interactions with the women of his everyday life.  Again, it’s the microaggressions in a sexist society that the film highlights, such as being stared at on the streets in unison by a trio of women, and unprovoked—unwanted—comments on one’s appearance such as ‘how lucky you are to have such a cute daddy!’

The assertion of matriarchy is even more subtle when the women aren’t actually interacting with the protagonist. An implied balance of power is shown by issues ingrained far more deeply into this society, such as women jogging bare-chested in public, a wife’s control and restriction over what her husband can wear or must cover up, and how most, if not all, positions in authority are depicted as being held by females. In Majorité Opprimée, the men make the coffee, have to be picked up by their wives, and are told that their ‘outfits are cute’ on them. In this hypothetical matriarchy, the men have their social status constantly, and casually, belittled, such as when the protagonist’s landlady smiles dismissively and says, ‘I should really be talking to your wife.’

Majorité Opprimée, illustrates the vast range of aggressions directed at women on a daily basis (most of which aren’t even recognised as violence, but as an accepted gender dynamic). Pierre, then, might represent women as a whole, who are every day catcalled, dismissed, and assaulted all over the world. One of the film’s strongest points is its illustration of street harassment, an issue which repeatedly surfaces in today’s discussions of gender violence. To anyone who’s ever experienced any form of harassment in public—and, hopefully, to some who have not—the scenarios painted are all too real. Often, women are told that it’s not such a big deal, and even that it’s to be expected. After all, how debilitating can a single whistle by the roadside be? One catcalling comment on your appearance? A honk as a driver speeds by? These are, unfortunately, seen as unpleasant, but normal, by some people. As one of the women in the film threatens to give chase as Pierre hastens away from a junction where she’s been catcalling him, the fear for one’s own safety caused by ‘expected’ interactions is apparent. It is, to say the least, quite intolerable when one faces aggression and fear as a regular feature of daily life.

What makes Majorité Opprimée so important is the fact that violence is everywhere in popular culture, and everyday social interactions, and in various insidious ways that people who don’t usually experience it have a hard time understanding. The film takes these instances of violence and forces us to re-evaluate our understanding of what we consider ‘normal’ behaviour. Watch it. Make the people around you watch it. Perhaps some the manifold violences written into the scripts of our everyday lives will stop going unnoticed.

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How Our Classrooms are Damaging the Female Body Image

by Choo Kai Lin, Change Maker

 “Math class is tough,” said Barbie. Those were the first words this iconic blonde symbol of the femininity declared back in 1992 in a segment titled Barbie Teen Talk. Clearly, gender stereotypes are not a new concept. Obviously, the world’s most famous doll agrees with the age-old cliché of females being intellectually inferior to their male counterparts. How often do we overlook the potential damage these stereotypes do, especially in an educational setting?

 In today’s society, gender bias influences each and every individual. As members of this gendered society, we recognize and accept characteristics of femininity and masculinity, moulding our bodies and altering our body images accordingly to fit social expectations.

 These gendered attitudes are emphasized in our system of schooling, creating and maintaining gender inequalities, part of which includes society greatly emphasising and controlling the female body. Young girls in Singapore today are at an increasing risk of negative body images and low self- esteem, which may be due to social stereotyping and cultural notions of female bodies that are reinforced within their schools.

 Stereotyping girls as intellectually-inferior to their male counterparts damages their notions of self-worth, and instead overemphasizes the importance of female physical attractiveness, instead of personal traits.  Hailing from a single-sex secondary school, my schoolmates and I were commonly described as “bimbos” and “girly” by others. The identity of an entire school community was reduced to simplistic, and not-so-flattering, stereotypes of femininity, often despite its evident merit in both academics and sports. In fact, it is common practice in popular culture for schools to be ranked based on the perceived physical attractiveness of their female students. This attitude assumes a woman’s natural state as an object valued for aesthetic appeal. Her potential as a person is undermined by sending the message that women are more valued for their appearance than for their talents.  What effects will the subtle, yet large-scale, objectification of female students in schools have on their perception of themselves?

 Perhaps what is even more distressing is the school administration’s growing role in imposing unrealistic ideals of the female body. At a recent family gathering, I found out that my seven-year-old cousin has been deemed overweight and forced to join a “Health Club” at school. Apparently, in many primary schools all over the country, it is becoming increasingly common for “overweight” children to be forced to join health clubs, skipping recess and partaking in physical activity as part of an initiative to combat childhood obesity. Essentially, “Health Club”, or more commonly, TAF (Trim and Fit) clubs, are premises to enforce rigid notions of ideal body types, and, perhaps even more dangerously, equate being thin with being ‘healthy’. As a result, adolescents are body-shamed into believing that being “skinny” is the ideal body shape.

In an interview with NBC News, a primary school girl expressed that she felt “sad…to look at people [because they were] so skinny and could wear so many clothes”. At just ten years old, this little girl has already developed a distorted body image and an inferiority complex. Demanding that she forgo food during recess in favour of dribbling a basketball, as in many such clubs in the name of ‘health’, will only worsen the problem. One could argue that these school policies, designed originally with good intentions, are now creating body image problems for future generations. By policing their bodies from a young age, these girls are taught that they must live up to society’s expectations of how they should look and dress. Damagingly, this then results in females themselves learning to measure their value by their appearance.

However, gender stereotypes are harmful to all, even male students. With emphasis on masculinity in the media, more boys are under pressure to live up to society’s notions of what a “real man” is. In a study conducted on participants who had undergone penile enlargement surgery, a majority of the participants had expressed previous reservations about going into shared school showers and engaging in physical activities in school–showing once again that the negative effects of gender expectations start from early on, most often at some point in school. Many participants cited anxiety about their peers’ perception of how ‘macho’, or masculine, they were as a prime reason for undergoing such an intensive surgical procedure. More and more young boys feel increasing pressure to have an idealised male body as popularised in the media, and uphold traditionally ‘masculine’ traits like strength. These attitudes are not helped by others in their peer group reinforcing and perpetuating these pressures on the individual. Gender stereotypes and expectations, if accepted as a normal, run-of-the-mill part of our society, may predict insecurities for the male population as well.

Obviously, society’s strict adherence to gender stereotypes and body ideals can be injurious to both females, as well as males. When education systems emphasize these suffocating constraints of gender inequality, there are potentially dangerous implications for one’s perception of self. Moreover, considering the power school wields over our youth, we, as a community, have to take steps to increase awareness of the harmful gender stereotypes we see in our classrooms, and everywhere else.

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Superheroes and Princesses – A Matter of Gender and Genre

by Shruti Nanivadekar, Change Maker

There was a video that went viral on Youtube and on the news, of a little girl ranting angrily about how marketing companies were using stereotypical gender norms to market their products to increase sales. Her name is Riley.

Riley: Wouldn’t be fair for all the girls to buy princesses, and all the boys to buy superheroes. Some girls like superheroes, some girls like princesses. Some boys like superheroes, some boys like princesses.
Dad: Absolutely.
Riley: Well then why does all the girls have to buy pink stuff and all the boys have to buy different colored stuff?
Dad: That’s a good question Riley.

There has been an increasing retaliation against gendered toys, and more so, advertisements of them, that use rigidly-defined gender standards and cater to a limited group of society. The most recent controversial advertisement is the new line of Lego Friends, for girls. Instead of taking on active roles as the males do – such as building houses and jet planes – the female roles in the advertisement are limited to passive activities such as waitresses at the café, and taking their pets to the vet. Lego’s division of gender roles promotes the adoption of passive roles by females – being ‘acted upon’ and having things done to them – in contrast to male roles which have the option to engage in imaginative, adventurous activities.

The notion of having a ‘pink aisle’ in most toy stores is alive and healthy.

In general, most toys made specifically for girls do not offer the constructive skills that boys’ toys do. Girls’ toys are made to teach them to be nurturing, taking care of the home and the hearth, and boys toys teach them to be ambitious, aggressive and logical. Of course, toy-manufacturing companies shirk social responsibility, stating that their only aim is to make profit, and well, if their product sells, and if girls like the toys, then what’s the harm in buying them? It’s true, parenting is not in the job description of toy manufacturers, but if huge toy brands are affecting millions of children’s lives every single day, they must feel like they owe some responsibility towards those kids, and the least they can do is refrain from having sexist commercials, or commercials targeted to a specific gender performance.

Speaking of parenting, parents’ choices and views of gender and sexism have a huge part to play in their children’s lives. As toys become more and more gendered, the struggle of kids to break out of their constrictive masculine and feminine molds gets harder and harder. This makes it harder for kids who find out that they have alternate sexual preferences and gender identities, to come out to the rest of the world, especially to their parents. Yes, surprisingly, a majority of parents are reinforcing the pink-aise-blue-aisle norm. They do not want their 4-year-old son playing with dolls instead of cars, out of fear that this might cause their child to be homosexual, or transgender.

“Why not let boys be boys and girls be girls?” is an argument from most. They say that their daughters always ask for Barbie dolls and kitchen sets, and their sons turn dolls into decapitated hand grenades. They say it’s ‘natural’ for girls to be drawn to the pretty pink toys. But what is usually accepted as ‘natural’ by society has been normalised by mass media, by social stigma and often, forced on children by peer pressure. Girls and boys think that specific toys are meant for them, and start to want those toys, through watching chirpy advertisements replayed on TV, and what they are told by their peers, parents, and other authority figures. Preferring certain toys, thus, is part of a wider phenomenon of gender roles being reinforced in every aspect of society. This cultural and media influence affects how children see themselves as persons. If their toys, and the books and films they love, as well as the people around them, tell them that they are limited to certain roles, would they not begin to believe it?  What kind of person will they grow up to see themselves as?

A boy should be able to play with a doll or a kitchen set without being judged, and girls should be able to pick up cars without thinking that they’re ‘for boys’ and to play with chemistry sets without thinking they’re ‘too difficult’. Parents can be more open-minded when they choose their kids’ toys, and when they let their kids choose toys. As their children’s first role models, they have the power to affect their children’s thinking more than anything they see on TV or around them.

Parents should encourage kids to express themselves freely and without fear. In kindergarten, teachers can bring productive, mind-bending toys that improve children’s cognitive skills, like Playdoh, blocks, puzzles and art sets. The variety of these gender-neutral toys, should be increased, and their use promoted, so that kids don’t feel like they can’t go anywhere other than merely that one aisle that represents their gender performance. This could affect a plethora of generations – their expressive and personal choices, their careers, and their ambitions.

The Let Toys Be Toys campaign focuses on allowing children to play with the toys that most interest them.

So far, Goldiblox has started a courageous and path-breaking movement to increase the educational value of girls’ toys, and has increased the gender-neutral corner of the toy market. The Let Toys Be Toys campaign, which demands that toys be sorted by genre rather than by gender, has made the society more aware of the banes of gendered toys. However, if kids all over the world want to see a change, there is still a long way to go. Parents can make a difference, by talking to their kids about these issues. Schools should promote discussions about sexism and gender, starting with little kids. Kids need to be told that it’s okay to be who they want to be. As a wise little girl once said, ‘Some girls like superheroes, some boys like princesses.’ The message can’t get plainer than that.